Dec to jan (work)

Backtrack to dec... 

Dec: 

I was practically still a bum n nursing my nausea n stablising my pregnancy at the start of dec. after Xmas I had my work orientation n shit got real. I had a proper adult job which actually paid! In my opinion I was getting paid quite well for the lil amt of work I had to do. BUT emotionally it wasn't enough!! The place I worked at realli takes ALOT out of u physically n emotionally. 

Jan: 

Officially the start of work (if u must noe I worked at a skool but tts all I'm gg to say). I actually kept my this job a secret cuz I wasn't sure hw long I would actually stay n it was a sensitive environment so some confidentiality n secrecy was gd. I HATED it the veri 1st day. Sean picked me up frm work on my 1st day n I had such a melt down in the car. He encouraged me n told me this is working life n it's onli the 1st day. So I decided to self talk myself n I lived by this mantra everyday "tmr will be a better day". Oh hell no was I wrong!! It jus got worse each day. I cried everyday cuz tt was hw much I dreaded gg to tt place. 

If u must noe this place I worked at are for saints who are destined or hav a calling to work in such an environment. For me I jus wanted a job quickly n it wasn't wat I wanted at all so i tried so hard to self talk my way through it. 

Anyways it got worse everyday. N I became paranoid n crazy. It was a rather "dangerous" environment for me esp since I'm pregnant. N to me the safety n well being of my child n myself were my big rest priority. Some minor incidents happened which made me even more paranoid. So I had a gd talk wif my parents n Sean n thankfully they were so supportive of me quitting. 

Initially I had wanted to press on till I went for maternity leave in June (cuz I would still be entitled to a stable income even when I was on maternity leave). But I realli couldn't anymore. Plus the person I was working wif was a grumps monster. I mean I did had a small sense of satisfaction whenever I achieved something but tt wasn't enough to motivate me to stay. N I was absent quite a bit in the 1st mth due to my bad back pains n cramps. It wasn't fair to the person I was working wif or the organization so I decided it's best I left. 

After officially working thr for onli 3 wks (I took 6 days of medical leave), I left 1 wk be4 my wedding. N I nv felt happier seriously!! 

Yea I was also in the midst of planning my wedding when I was suffering emotionally everyday! I will get to tt in the next post!