27wks n 4 days thots

I honestly havnt been gg out much these days. 1stly I find it a chore jus to pick out wat to wear. I'm mostly in maternity shorts, a tight or loose top or a maxi dress. Somehow I feel maxi dresses looks so pretty on a pregnant woman. Haha! N plus it's fuss free. 2ndly I hav no mood to paint my face. I've embraced my natural awesome (thxs to my hormones) skin so most of the time when I do go out I'm bare faced. N even if I do go out nw it's to like nearby places which means I'm in shorts n tee shirt. 3rdly I can't walk for too long Becuz of my dilated cervix. So yea I'm always home n actually loving it.

 I noe I should be heading out more while I can be4 my baby arrives but I'm actually enjoying my time doing absolutely nth. Haha nw I'm realli jus catching up on my sleep be4 my baby comes. 

So anyways yesterday my husband, sis n her bf caught captain America at Jem's platinum suites. Ever since my husband n I discovered the comfort of watching movie thr... We hav said we won't watch movie unless it's at the suites. Plus nw I realli need a comfy chair in order to sit through a 2hr movie. So okay la nt too bad. I must say captain America 2 is better than the 1st one. But u do need to watch the 1st one in order to get the flow of the 2nd. Oh yea n stay till the veri end of the credits !! 

So every nite I make my husband bond wif our baby by talking to her or jus feeling her movements. It still scares him when he sees part of my belly move when she moves. Haha! Last nite while in bed I had tt overwhelming love, peace n joy. Like I realli can't wait for my baby to be born cuz I noe hw great of a father my husband will be to her. Esp since she's a girl... I noe hw protective he will be of her. I jus can't wait to see my family grow together. Becuz we are at my place more often nw... We are wif the our dogs more also. He's jus so gd wif them already wat more a human child! So yea I'm dying to see his fatherly instincts kick in overdrive(: 

Ah the anticipation kills me!! We are finally stepping into April n tt gives me 3 more mths till I see my precious angel!! Oh n update on my horrible symptoms of pregnancy... Well Becuz I was on antibiotics... My infection has cleared which means my back pains are ALOT better n I can walk n move around more. Also my mum arranges this lady who comes to our place once a wk to do a prenatal massage for me n she's realli dam awesome!! I've been sleeping better jus tt baby seems to love to kick me when I'm sleeping n my constant need to pee every 1.5hrs wakes me up n all but things are a lot better nw. They say 3rd tri is hard... I'm praying I get it easy. 

N nw I hav to realli force myself to eat n gain weight though baby is of the rite weight. But IF she would come our pretermed... Her weight isn't tt sufficient so nw I'm trying to gain weight n all. As of nw I've onli put on 5kgs so far (I'm 27wks n 4days today). I lost 1.5kg due to my infection n all. Most people would love to be in my position nw. Can eat watever u want. But I simply hav no appetite? Eating is such a chore nw. Sighhh. 

In the next 3mths we still hav baby stuffs to buy... Havnt even gone for those baby classes... Goshhhh! Gonna sign us up for classes wif the hospital in May (yes we are veri last min people). Oh wells... 

This post is all over the place. It's like my thots are running wild. Pregnancy brain. Shall end wif a pic frm yesterday's movie date day! 

27 wks n 1 day check up

Today we went for our 27wk ultrasound scan. It's the 3rd time seeing my gynae this mth; the previous 2 times were for my UTI... Today was a thoroughly progress check on baby. I was in the scanning room for quite a while. N baby wasn't veri cooperative today. She jus refuse to let us get a proper look at her. Bummer... But at least we noe she's growing accordingly n my gynae is veri happy wif her progress. In a sense whr she's growing steadily despite me falling sick quite a bit n nt eating much. N even the imaging technician tt always sees me says she's realli active. 

But thrs always a but. My placenta is veri low. Tt I already noe. But wat was said to me next jus literally crushed me n caused me to get an anxiety attack. My cervix has dilated. Which means I'm at a high risk of giving birth to a premature baby. Somehw my world literally came crashing down for a while when I was in the room. I held my tears back. I noe I've been saying hw much I want this pregnancy to be over. But nt like this when she's nt ready to be born yet! She's onli 27wks old n weighing at 860g onli!! My gynae is a veri optimistic person. He says tt IF she would be born anytime soon... She's at a weight whr she can survive n all. But of course tts nt wat we want. We wanna keep her in as long as possible. 

So rite nw I'm so paranoid. Every cramp stresses me out cuz it could be a contraction which I'm nt aware abt. I hav to watch myself closely n noe when I might be getting contractions n quickly rush to the hospital. When I sneeze I get so scared she suddenly slides out. I can't walk or do much physical activities. Sighhh worse part thrs nth much I can do to prevent an early birth cuz it's my uterus at fault. Nw we can onli pray we can keep her in at least till 35wks tts my aim but best if she can wait till 37wks cuz tts full term. 

I started googling abt preterm babies n their problems n scared myself like mad. Then I jus kept crying n crying cuz tts nt the life I want her to hav. Like I see more negative effects of a pretermed baby than positive. N I jus feel so helpless. 

I'm thankful my husband is nt worried at all. Whenever I'm stressed or worried over our baby... My husband has always been so optimistic n always so encouraging. He jus keeps telling me "she's a strong baby n she will wait." 

 

My dearest princess... 

Hold up in thr okay n take ur time to come out. Mummy has been suffering while carrying u but all I want is for u to be healthy n strong. We want u inside me long enough for ur organs to be strong so u can fight this world when u come out. So be patient cuz u hav plenty of time on this earth to do watever u want. For nw jus stay as long as u can in my belly. We love u so much. 

Pls keep us in ur prayers. All we want is a healthy strong full term baby. 

27 weeker

It's another wk till we hit our 3rd trimester!!! Feels like forever pls. But nw tt our due date is approaching... I'm started to create lists of things I still hav to buy or do. Feels like time is running away frm me. But I ain't complaining. Many women go through the nesting phase in their pregnancy. Well nt for me. I've got so much to clear be4 baby arrives but I jus don't feel like cleaning? Maybe cuz my back is still painful so moving around bending down n all is such a chore. Idk wonder when the nesting phase will kick in in me. Hmmm 

Gg for our doc appt tmr! N we'll get to see our baby again (: this mth I've seen my gynae twice... Third time tmr. Each time he always brings gd news tt baby is growing well n steady of the norm. But today my husband rubbed my belly n said "y is ur stomach so small n less bloated suddenly?" Yea I too noticed this today. Hope all is fine. We will find out tmr. 

27wk baby bump

I managed to pull myself out of the hse n go for lunch wif my mum n her frens. All who see me always say I look so gd pregnant. Thank goodness. But yea I'm glad today was 1 of the better days whr I could go out.. Walk around for a while n nt scream in pain. But am currently feeling a knotted nerve or something on my back n it hurts like a bitch. Sigh pieeee... 

Also I've been cooking more for my husband since we hav moved back to my place more permanently. Cuz he stays in a 2 storey hse n wif my back aches n weird "spastic leg"... Moving around is so hard. N also at my place I'm more comfy n my maid can help me do a lot of things whereas thr I'm pretty much dependent on my own to get things or my mother-in-law would help me do things n all which makes me so uncomfy. Like it isn't nice n all. So my husband has been great in compromising wif me since commuting frm my place to his work is further. To make it up to him... I service him... aLOT! I cook... make my awesome smoothie n juices when he requests for them... My hands hav even become his own personal feeder -.- anyways am jus so thankful n happy whenever I'm back at my own place. I can do watever I want n all. Cuz I still hav weird habits whereby I wake up in the middle of the nite sometimes n go watch tv or grab a snack when I can't sleep. N at his place I don't dare do tt cuz I hav to climb down the stairs n all. 

Off to bed nw. Realli excited to see baby later! She's been super active the whole day today. N i like to believe whenever she's hungry n wants to eat n I don't "feed" her.. She gets mad at me n kicks me so hard!! Cuz tt was wat happened today -.- 

What to expect when you are expecting part 2 (the happy parts)

So after pouring water on everyone's' expectations of pregnancy... Here are the better side of things for me: 

-knowing u are carrying a life 

This itself is such an amazing truth. The moment u find out u hav something growing in u... It's such a... Hmm no words can describe this amazing feeling. Of course when I 1st out n given the circumstances I was I panicked. But wif the support of Sean n our family things jus fell into place to nicely. I then started prepping myself for the dreams n thots of being pregnant. When will my belly start showing? When can I find out the gender? Is my baby healthy? Wat kind of birth will I hav? Will thr be complications? 

-people knowing u are pregnant 

This one was a rather easy one to get through for our case. All our frens who hav known us frm day 1 when we were dating were all so supportive n encouraging. Everyone was genuinely happy for us. Their well wishes jus made it so clear to us hw much we mean to our frens n tt they were happy to go on this next journey wif us. Sean n I has always talked abt marriage n kids frm the beginning of our r/s so it was no shocker when we broke the news to everyone. N whenever I go out wif frens I'm always well taken care of. Everyone would fuss over me or ask me wat I wanna eat n all. 

-seeing baby's heartbeat for the 1st time 

This was another amazing experience tt money can't buy. For both Sean n I we were jus speechless. To think when we found out we were onli at wk5 when I 1st had a glimpse of our baby's heartbeat. We literally saw our baby grow be4 our eyes (through a monitor). Frm a tiny lil for to an actual tiny human being wif distinct features today. Like it's weird hw I didn't start showing at all till wk22-23 but yet I  knew something was indeed growing inside my belly. 

-the glowing radiant skin 

Many women suffer adverse reactions frm pregnancy due to their hormones. I've read horror stories of breakouts, oily skin, back acne, dry skin, flaky skin etc I was mortified n so worried! Thankfully for me my skin has nv been better!!! I hav nt used make up, facial wash, moisturizer, toner, scrubs or masked for a while! I had veri dry skin be4 my wedding so I had to splurge on things to save my face but somehw frm wk 20 onwards it got better! My skin is smooth like a baby's butt n I used to get veri bad blackheads but nw it seems to hav gotten better too! N everyone compliments my radiant pregnancy glow (: 

-starting our family 

Sean n I are finally starting our next journey together. For 4yrs we hav dreamed of our wedding n wat our future family will be like. Nw it's finally in the works n we are both so thrilled n excited!

-feeling baby's movements for the 1st time 

This came abt wk 22-23 too for me. It's another magical feeling tt no other women can describe to u. Onli a mother would noe this feeling. Esp when u rub ur belly, speak to ur belly, poke ur belly n baby actually responds wif a lil movements... It's jus so cute! It's like when my baby hears our voices, most of the time she would respond to us! It's like she can understand us. N tts a veri gd bonding experience for both parents n baby n help baby get familiar wif our voices. Parents' voices can act as a soother next time when baby gets cranky, upset or happy. 

-the anticipation of our baby's birth 

This I'm DYING for!! U hav no idea hw much I'm dying to hold my baby in my arms... Cry when I see her for the 1st time cuz I've come so far... Hear her cries for the 1st time (n then later wish she would shut up n go sleep! Haha) smell her baby smell... Teach her things our parents taught us... Bring her up wif gd values n principles... Her 1st words, steps ahhh jus so many things!! Yes our lives will be topsy turvy for a while as we break into a routine we are all comfy wif, the sleepless nites n all but I noe it's all worth it. I carried this life for 9mths... I wanna see wat we can accomplish together as a family(: 

-shopping for baby stuffs 

This has been fun for me n my family! As it's our 1st grandchild/niece, my mum n sis has been quite enthusiastic abt shopping for my baby! She already is being pampered like mad!!! She already has a Burberry dress n shoes waiting for her! Haha! N the amt of lil tiny cutesie rompers n accessories... Gosh! N it's nt even full force shopping yet! Imagine when we actually approach May... Her wardrobe will prob be as huge as her mother's!! Plus she also has her cousin's clothes to wear! (I've nt officially announced the gender of our baby yet but subtly dropped hints here n thr. Nw if u read this space u noe 1st hand) 

I actually sat down a while n couldn't come up wif this "happy" list for a long time. After speaking to my husband n mummy.. It finally flowed. I guess I need to complain lesser n try to experience n enjoy these remaining 14wks. 

Today is 1 of my better days I've had in a VERI long time! I had the best massage in my life which made my back ALOT better n I managed to sleep alright. I even plucked up the courage to head out n get some groceries done but immediately dreaded it n wanted to jus come home! I realli HATE people n crowds nw n my back n cramps started creeping in. So yea I'm convinced i need to be home for the next few mths. Or I Thot abt renting a wheelchair! Hahaha whenever I realli NEED to go out I will resort to tt. My husband thinks I'm mad. 

What to expect when you're expecting

So one of my fav movies has got to be 'what to expect when you're expecting" when I 1st watched it yrs ago. It's abt 5 diff pregnancies and an adoption story. 1 pregnancy led to an unfortunate miscarriage, another pregnancy was all the horrible sides of being pregnant (being bloated, puffy, constipated n all), another a working n fit mummy to be tt is able to look fab n stay fit n the last pregnancy was everything magical n beautiful. 

So here's the thing. When I 1st found out I was pregnant I was hoping n praying for the fit, fab looking n magical pregnancy. The one u glow n look so radiant n u can literally still be active working out n all. Unfortunately, I didn't get tt. Well I got the radiant n glowy look which everyone comments whenever they see me even when I'm at my cui-est. I havnt ballooned as much as I Thot I would, I'm nt puffy n my appetite is fairly decent. Well maybe cuz I've been sick quite a bit so far. But other than tt... I'm suffering every whr else possible!!! 

-nausea/morning sickness (this I had it bad during the 1st tri. The onli positive spin on this is tt I lost 2kgs. I didn't eat much n I hugged the toilet. It took me a while be4 I succumbed to medication to control this. Nw I'm so thankful it's gone. Well it does come back n haunt me on certain days but it's all manageable. I was so afraid I would be like my mummy. She puked frm day 1 to day 40!!) 

-severe back pains (I realli cannot walk much n I walk like a duck. I've succumbed to muscle rubs which my gynae says it's ok n wearing a back brace which realli doesn't help much. Sleeping is a chore cuz thrs NO comfy position on this planet to deal wif ur back pain. Getting out of bed is such a hassle esp when I pee every 1.5-2hrs. I scream n squirm whenever I hav to flip sides when I sleep. I can't sleep or sit for long cuz my back would hurt so badly but I'm asked to hav ample rest n all. My bed has a mountain of pillows my dogs can play hide n seek in them.) 

-frequent UTIs (don't get me started on those cuz it hurts like a mother bitch. I've always been prone to UTIs since young but nw it's even worse! My bladder actually hurts n somehw it caused my already bad enough back pains to be worse. I hav to pee more frequently to min. My infection which makes sleeping a chore. Cranberry juice n barley water is mostly wat I'm forced to drink these days) 

-growing cramps (these hurt like a mother bitch too esp when my baby wiggles around in my belly. N these can also be worrying when they get too intense so I get stressed out when I get hit by those bad ones. Becuz I'm so small built n it's my 1st pregnancy, my body is still learning to accommodate my baby's growth n over stretching things tt hav nv been stretched be4 so tts a bitch too. Becuz of my cramps I realli can't move around much or work out as much as I realli want to!) 

-low placenta (so my gynae told me I hav a low placenta. Which means no heavy lifting, less movements around, no physical activities. I'm even more paranoid whenever I pee nw esp since a few nites ago. I always make sure to look at the toilet paper twice to check tt thrs no blood.) 

-emotional stresses (Becuz I've been sick n moody n cranky cuz of my ailments, I realli havnt been in the best moods ever. I'm often crying, blaming the whole world  or hating every bit of my pregnancy. Funni hw I'm nt stressing over motherhood since I am such a young mummy but in fact I'm actually soooooo looking forward to it n dyinggggg for this pregnancy to be over soon! My husband is well aware hw much I'm suffering emotionally n physically. At the beginning be4 things got this bad he would joke "so doubt we will hav a 2nd child aye!" Nw frm whr I see it nw... As much as I want a sibling for my child, I'm nt keen on thinking abt tt nw. It was always my plan to hav 2 kids: a boy n a girl. But after this horrific n unmagical experience, I'm surrendering. My mummy thinks it's Becuz my insides are so young n tender tts y it's so hard this time around. But I'm jus nt convinced yet. Thankfully my husband n I are so young so I hav many yrs to reconsider again) 

-home bound (oh I hav decided to put myself on hse arrest till my kid is 4mths. The fear of gg out n getting back pains after walking for a bit scares me. Cuz when tt happens I can't scream n cry. N wat if I walk too much n I start to bleed? N dressing up has been no fun at all. I hav zero interest in doing my hair, make up or wearing nice clothes for nw. I realli salute those YouTube mummys to be who still bother to make the effort even when they are a bloated whale. Cuz I couldn't care less seriously. I jus wanna stay home n be in pjs wif the messiest n unkempt hair ever) 

-spastic legs (I recently discovered I hav wat I call "spastic legs". Thr are certain times whr I jus can't move my legs n all n will scream in excruciating pain!! Then it makes it impossible to lift them too. So I would jus sit thr paralyzed or get my husband to help me up) 

Jus to add to this, I've got zero personal hygiene. If I could I would go wifout showering, brushing my hair or teeth frm nw till I pop!! Wearing my underwear n bottoms are so difficult nw (due to my growing belly n "spastic legs", showering takes twice as long nw n I get gum bleeds when I brush my teeth. So give me credit tt I still manage to these 3 things still. My mummy took me to a mani n pedi sessh tt day n tt ended horribly. So I realise I hav zero patience n tolerance to confine myself to a chair jus to pamper myself. So screw those for nw. Oh n mositurising? Wtf is tt!? I no longer go through my crazy 5 step facial regime anymore or 2 step hair treatment processes either. But thankfully for my hormones my skin has nv been better even when products!! So yay to tt(: 

Plus I hav zero social skills too. Whenever I'm out I jus wanna kill everyone I see!! I used to be a social butterfly, a party animal. Nw I'm such grumps. N majority of humans annoy the hell out of me. 

Hmm I think tts abt it. Which honestly I'm considered lucky to some women. But but wat I DETEST are my back pains n cramps. Whenever those happen I jus want my husband to sock me in the face so hard so I can pass out. Oh wells... Reality bites. Of course thr are glorious parts to this amazing life I'm carrying. I shall get to tt when I'm in a chirpier mood... Which I hope is soon. 

Balloons

I hav this weird love/obssession for balloons since as young as I can rmb. I guess it's Becuz whenever it's my bday or when I had dance performances, my mummy always gifted me wif balloons. So I guess it stuck wif me even when I'm older nw. Every bday or occasion I throw will ALWAYS hav balloons or it isn't my trademark style. Haha 

My husband told me thrs this huge pirate ship exhibit made out of entirely balloons at marina sq this wkend but Becuz I'm so sick, still recovering n can hardly walk, I may hav to give it a miss :( I'm so sad. So this is wat my husband said to cheer me up. 

This realli made me smile. Idk. Maybe cuz these few days I've been so sick, listless, grumpy n cranky. So we havnt realli spent much time together? Or rather I'm  jus nt feeling it much these days. But realli these past few days he's been amazing. I think he's immuned to my cries n screams. N whenever I need help out of bed or to move around the hse or to the toilet... He's always thr to maneuvere me around. 

After our lil scare yesterday n when he woke up, he told me "baby will be fine." N he kissed my forehead n fell back asleep. I realli am enjoying married life a lot. Cuz Idk wat I would do wif out him since this pregnancy has been so so difficult since the beginning. He's been such a great support n I couldn't ask for more. 

26 weeker and 2 days nitemare

So this morning was a rather stressful one for my husband n I. I've been down wif my UTI for 5 days n FINALLY got my antibiotics. Omy u hav no idea hw happy I was to actually take my antibiotics this time around! Normally I wouldn't bother finishing my meds at all. But this time my infection was so unbearable I realli pity my poor husband. I cried every nite... Screamed every nite. It was literally a nitemare. 

Around 11 I went to bed cuz I havnt realli slept veri much for the past few nites Becuz of my perpetual chills n crazy high fevers. Last nite I actually felt somewat fine so my husband quickly put me to bed since I was quiet n could actually sleep. By this time I had 1 day of my antibiotics already. While trying to drift off to sleep, I suddenly felt 2 veri strong n intense cramps which I nv felt be4. I even screamed but it went away so quickly I dismissed it. 

So at 12 I got up to pee again (for the past few nites Becuz it was so painful to pee... My pee flow kinda reduced even when I was drinking quite a bit of water. So this was a clear sign my infection has started to clear). Wif the help of my husband, he got me out of bed n led me to the toilet while he went to mess wif our boys. The next thing I knew as I was cleaning up, my worse nitemare happened. I saw red stuff n suddenly a thick blood clot on the toilet paper. I shouted for him. He came to the toilet n I showed him wat had happened. We started panicking a lil. Went to my mum's room n let her noe also she too was shocked. Bleeding during pregnancy is so no joke. I was thankful it wasn't the gushing flowy kind u see on movies. But it was still worrying. 

So my husband quickly googled n WAed his bestfren to try to find out more. We waited n poof I need to go toilet again -.- by then I decided tt if thrs this blood residue or watever we are gg to the labour ward. N true enough thr was still. I quickly called the hospital also to get more advice 1st. The 1st thing she asked me was "when u took the ultrasound did the doc say ur placenta is low?" Well yea my placenta is low n isn't a worrying factor nw but can be later towards my pregnancy. Then she adviced us to come in n So at abt 2am we packed an overnight bag n made our way to the hospital. 

When we got thr they hooked me up to machines to monitor our baby. I was thr for abt 2.5hrs freezing to death cuz it was so cold n I've been so sensitive to colds these days tt I start shivering n shaking veri violently n my fingers will literally turn blue. So anyways doc wanted me to stay in at least a nite so they can run more tests but I felt ok.. Baby was still kicking around n all n frm the initial tests things were looking fine. Plus the onli bed they had was the 5 bedder one n I didn't want my husband to hav to drive all the way back home jus to sleep for a couple of hrs n then rush down again to see me. So we made the decision to jus go home n see hw things go. 

It's nw 4.34pm n things hav been better. My back pains are still veri painful but somehw I woke up n I could actually walk better wifout support. No more bleeding or watever. My fever has stopped coming n gg. My peeing is more regularly again. Ahhh thank God. 

My lil sick companion who nv leaves my side. 

This one is jus rather insensitive. He still pounces n jumps on me even when I'm cranky n grumpy n dying. Asshole -.- 

25 weeks n 5 days

Currently down wif an infection again. Idk if it's UTI or kidney infection cuz I've got both symptoms:

-hurts when I pee 

-my kidney/back is inflamed cuz it's mother painful n sore 

-right ribs are painful 

-nausea (I havnt had a proper meal since Saturday night) 

-high fever (highest was at 39.6) 

-giddy n super out of it 

-muscle aching like mad 

-1 min I'm burning up next I'm shivering like mad

-bladder is sore also 

Sigh realli this pregnancy is taking a toll on me. N I realli feel so bad for my husband. I cry n whine so much I start to irritate myself too n he haas to tahan me like this every nite. N if I need to be admitted to the hospital again.. It's another 4k gone like tt. This can't be happening every mth!! Sighhh this is realli "in sickness n in health". I can't count hw many times I've fallen ill while being pregnant. I think I maxed my quota out already. 

I onli pray this child will be strong n is fighting all this crap wif me. N I hope she's a filial n obedient daughter. Cuz it wasn't easy carrying her at all! I've suffered so much n I'm honestly veri over it. Time pls pass faster. 

25 wks n 3 days

Another bad day. My back is so painful n growing pains are uncontrollable. It's the same kinda pains I got when I came down wif the infection 3 wks ago. So I'm jus praying it's nt UTI again. Cuz realli it's dam annoying. I'm in so much discomfort n pain. I can't sleep well. My onli comfort is my dogs havnt left my side at all. Moch stretched out his paw several times to touch me to make sure I'm ok. But no it's horrible :( 

My baby's daddy

Every night I go to bed so happily. Cuz I get to sleep next to my soulmate. I got married very early (a mth plus ago to be exact) at the age of 21. But it's Becuz I hav already found my soulmate. I nv Thot I could love another human being as much until I met Sean. Whenever I look at him I can't help but smile cuz tts jus hw much joy n happiness he brings to me. He's funni... Silly... Has disgusting bad habits... Is the sweetest... Is a great daddy to our 2 dogs... Great wif kids n I noe he's gg to make an amazing dad to our lil one. 

Jus yesterday he asked me "did u noe u were gonna marry me when we met?" My answer was yes. N his too. Somehow we both jus knew tt we were each others' happily ever after. Maybe 1 day I will write abt our love story and journey. It's nw 4.17am n I can't sleep. So whenever I can't sleep I would jus look at him n smile (sounds perverse n creepy HAHA). Cuz I'm truly blessed to hav him. 

You make me the happiest girl on the entire planet. I love u my husband

Dec to jan (work)

Backtrack to dec... 

Dec: 

I was practically still a bum n nursing my nausea n stablising my pregnancy at the start of dec. after Xmas I had my work orientation n shit got real. I had a proper adult job which actually paid! In my opinion I was getting paid quite well for the lil amt of work I had to do. BUT emotionally it wasn't enough!! The place I worked at realli takes ALOT out of u physically n emotionally. 

Jan: 

Officially the start of work (if u must noe I worked at a skool but tts all I'm gg to say). I actually kept my this job a secret cuz I wasn't sure hw long I would actually stay n it was a sensitive environment so some confidentiality n secrecy was gd. I HATED it the veri 1st day. Sean picked me up frm work on my 1st day n I had such a melt down in the car. He encouraged me n told me this is working life n it's onli the 1st day. So I decided to self talk myself n I lived by this mantra everyday "tmr will be a better day". Oh hell no was I wrong!! It jus got worse each day. I cried everyday cuz tt was hw much I dreaded gg to tt place. 

If u must noe this place I worked at are for saints who are destined or hav a calling to work in such an environment. For me I jus wanted a job quickly n it wasn't wat I wanted at all so i tried so hard to self talk my way through it. 

Anyways it got worse everyday. N I became paranoid n crazy. It was a rather "dangerous" environment for me esp since I'm pregnant. N to me the safety n well being of my child n myself were my big rest priority. Some minor incidents happened which made me even more paranoid. So I had a gd talk wif my parents n Sean n thankfully they were so supportive of me quitting. 

Initially I had wanted to press on till I went for maternity leave in June (cuz I would still be entitled to a stable income even when I was on maternity leave). But I realli couldn't anymore. Plus the person I was working wif was a grumps monster. I mean I did had a small sense of satisfaction whenever I achieved something but tt wasn't enough to motivate me to stay. N I was absent quite a bit in the 1st mth due to my bad back pains n cramps. It wasn't fair to the person I was working wif or the organization so I decided it's best I left. 

After officially working thr for onli 3 wks (I took 6 days of medical leave), I left 1 wk be4 my wedding. N I nv felt happier seriously!! 

Yea I was also in the midst of planning my wedding when I was suffering emotionally everyday! I will get to tt in the next post! 

To the 2 amazing women in my life

As I lay awake in bed at 3.11am waiting for my macs to digest a lil n my husband snoring next to me... I suddenly remembered abt the strength n courage of 2 amazing women in my life: my mother n mother-in-law. 

Sean n I are considered miracle children. Cuz for 1 we could hav nt made it into this world. For Sean, it was dangerous for my mother-in-law to carry him cuz she had him pretty late n thr were some complications. But she found God to give her the strength n blessings to watch over Sean n her n both mother n son were fine. 

For me doctors didn't noe much abt my case. I was an experimental child of surgeries. My parents didn't even noe if I was gg to be a boy or girl. It wasn't dangerous for my mother to carry me but Becuz I'm special wif my condition.. Bringing me up won't be easy neither would it be cheap. My parents nv gave up on me or scrimped on my medical bills. They gave me the best treatments n made sure I stayed in private wards whenever I got admitted. 

This yr, Sean is turning 27 yrs old. N I 22 yrs old. Our baby is a miracle baby too. Cuz of my medical condition doctors weren't sure if I could even conceive! So the fact tt I hav this child growing in me is truly a gift n blessing frm God. 

I've been feeling so horrible n moody these days. N I don't want my mood to affect my baby. I need to remember tt these 2 women despite odds going against them, took the risk n many sacrifices to bring Sean n I into this world. Cuz if they weren't strong, we both wouldn't be here today. We wouldn't hav found each other.. We wouldn't hav married our soul mates or created our own lil family together. 

Someday my baby is gg to make another man fall in love so madly wif her. She's gg to be someone's girlfren, soulmate, wife and mother. She's gg to make someone very happy n noe the true meaning of being loved. She's gg to teach her own children wat we taught her. 

I need to stop feeling sorry for myself n embrace this nt so nice process. Cuz if my 2 mothers can do it... I can too. 

A mother's love is truly the greatest and most powerful feeling in this world. 

Summary of 2nd trimester

So I'm still in my 2nd tri n contrary to wat most people say abt 2nd trimester being the easiest n most enjoyable one... NOPE nt for this mummy over here. 

Nausea: 

-nausea was a lot better at this point 

-occasional vomiting when I had diary products (esp soy so I hav stayed away frm those nw) 

-appetite has improved ALOT (thr was 1 point I ate constantly) 

Appetite/cravings: 

-at the beginning I had major cravings for those economy bee hoon; it was my nightly supper (I blame my husband cuz he likes tt) 

-inital cravings for fried food!! HORRIBLE 

-bubble tea!!! (OMG my biggest sin!! My husband n I would drive out after dinz jus to get my fix!! So so bad but I onli hav the least sweet one) 

-japanese food (k I crave this all the time even be4 I got pregnant so it doesn't count? LOL) 

-beef!!! (I generally don't eat much meat to begin wif but when I started exercising more I started to experiment wif beef n all. Nw it's like the onli protein I wanna eat!! I blame this on my husband cuz he LOVES beef) 

-thankfully I'm still loving my fruits n veggies! Hav to drink a juice whenever I wake up 

-I've been on a low carb diet for many yrs (I onli take whole meal or multigrain breads n brown rice) but ever since getting pregnant, my body/baby jus craves for carbs! Thr was 1 wk whr all I wanted to eat were pastas, fried rice n noodles! 

Oh yea this veri weird thing happened to me at the beginning. Whenever I saw a picture or hear someone mention a particular food item... I MUST hav it! Even if I don't particularly like tt food... I still must eat it! Wtf my brain was so weird then. 

Nw I'm gg towards the end of my 2ns tri... N I don't hav any particular cravings (except my bubble tea, fizzy drinks, juices) so eating nw is like so boring? I find no satisfaction in eating anymore. I'm jus eating for the sake of my baby -.- 

Back pains: 

-oh this one is HORRIBLE!! 

-so i started work in jan at a horrible horrible place which required me to stand a lot. So maybe tt caused my onset of back pains earlier even when I was quite tiny at tt point. Becuz of my back pains, thr were days I jus couldn't wake up n had to miss work a couple of days (I will get to y I quit n all in my later posts) 

-at abt 20 wks my husband n I noticed a drastic growth spurt at my belly. Tt was when the back pains got more frequent n more unbearable 

-I hav jus recovered frm a bad case of Urinary tract infection (UTI) n was hospitalized for a while. During tt time my back pains were sooooo bad I literally cried n screamed. Sleeping was a chore cuz I wasn't comfy at all 

-my sleep has been greatly disrupted thxs to my back pains. Finding a comfy position is so hard n when I do i hav to wake up to pee... Seriously !? 

To begin wif I'm realli nt TAT big nw. So I'm honestly veri worried as a progress into my 3rd tri my pains would be worse? Sigh 

Growing abdominal cramps:

-another HORRIBLE one! 

- so as mentioned abt 20 wks a sudden growth spurt happened. Baby jus suddenly decided to "break free" n become more prominent. I get cramps so intense I can't get out of bed some days too 

-my gynae says it's perfectly normal cuz my insides are stretching to accommodate baby. But gosh it's so painful!! I already get horrible period cramps n this is like worse??! 

UTI: 

-was hospitalized for 1 wk to get antibiotics via the intravenous way n Becuz I was getting veri bad cramps n all, my gynae was afraid I might go into labour early so I had to be warded to monitor everything (thankfully it was jus my bladder causing all tt cramping) 

-Becuz ur bladder somehow shifts wif baby growing in the way n all, UTI is veri common during pregnancies. So nw I'm drinking as much fluids as I can n I literally go to the toilet every 1.5-2hrs (even at nite!!! Terrible!!!) 

Constipation: 

-this is 1 of the symptoms many women complain of during pregnancy. But thankfully for me I don't suffer frm this. 

-prior to my pregnancy I did suffer frm constipation so I was kinda worried it would worsen it. But then my constipation then was Becuz I wasn't eating enough carbs or watever. So nw tt I'm eating more frequently n hav gone back to eating rice n noodles n all tt crap... Bowel movement for me has been frequent 

Frequent urination: 

-I'm a peeing machine. Gg to the toilet every 1.5hrs-2hrs to pee is like a norm to me nw. So yea my sleep is disrupted 

-but no choice cuz if I don't pee every 1.5-2hrs... My bladder gets too full tt it overflows n causes a leak (this is also normal for many pregnant women). N I am told to pee on a more frequent basis to lower my chances of UTI again 

Boobs: 

-boobs hav grown a fair bit since the 1st tri but less heavy feeling already (got used to it) 

-my boobs hav started to show very prominent blue veins... 

-a lot of my bras don't fit -.- so I'm like buying bras every mth!? 

Skin: 

-still no break outs thankfully but my skin is veri veri dry!! (My husband thinks baby is sucking my moisture frm me!) 

-but came down wif frm bad eczema on my legs which was so bloody itchy!! N nw my legs are scarred 

-given steroid creams which are safe while pregnant n it did get better 

Nose bleeds n bleeding gums: 

-bleeding gums which brushing teeth 

-nose bleeds whenever I blow my nose 

-all these are normal cuz veins in the nose are apparently thinner n more sensitive. Nth too major n it stops realli quickly 

Baby's movement: 

-so around 21 wks I finally felt baby's movements!!! It's so magical whenever she moves n tts when I truly noe I am carrying a life in me (it jus becomes more real) 

-she moves ALOT esp at nite n whenever I eat nw (I equate this to the fact she likes watever I'm eating haha. Cuz thr are some foods she kicks more n some whr she doesn't). So yea she tends to keep me up at nite wif her fist pumps n flying kicks 

-feels like a stomach rumbling kinda feeling but much more intense n funni 

-whenever she kicks/punches me hard, I laugh cuz Idk y I jus find it so funni!! 

While being hospitalized I was so worried my UTI Bacteria may affect baby but she was still moving a lot n ultrasound shows she's doing fine so tt took a load off! 

I noe it's a rather long winded post but tts me so far. Nw back pains n growing abdominal cramps are a part of me. Crying n whining is such a norm. Heat packs are my best frens n pre-natal massages are my temp source of relief. On days when I hav it bad (like today) I jus feel so upset n demoralized. Like y me? Y can't I hav more enjoyable n memorable pregnancy? At the back of my head I always tell myself hw excited I am to meet my lil one. But this process has been so hard. So hard n suffering. I feel bad for my husband cuz on most days he's the one tt hears me cry in discomfort but yet he can't do anything. Yes I'm sooooo happy being pregnant cuz this life I'm carrying is indeed an amazing gift frm God but jus tt the process sucks. But whenever I see my baby's ultrasound every mth it jus comforts me a lot. 

Baby bump at 18wks... 

Baby's scan at 18wks 

Baby's scan at 21weeks (the day we confirmed baby's gender!)

N then poof! Sudden growth spurt over night... 

24 wks n 3 days thoughts

So I was feeling all crappy n sorry for myself all day. Cause being pregnant is suppose to be all magical wif unicorns n butterflies. Like tts hw most movies or people portray it to be rite? I mean I nv gave my pregnancy a thought at all because I didn't think I would be pregnant so early so yea I didn't hav time to think abt wat it would be like pregnant. It jus happened too quickly. 

U see movies n all tt crap don't tell u the back pains u will experience. N growing pains u will get as u bloat up like a pufferfish. Some women get swollen feet which I'm thankful I'm nt at tt stage yet. Some break out on their face cuz of hormones n I'm thankful I don't hav tt. Instead many hav told me hw radiant n gd I look nw even wifout make up (hence I've been abusing this radiant natural glow n gg out bare face ALOT nw. Last time I die die won't go out wifout make up). 

I jus wish it was all easier than this. But if it was than everyone would be popping babies out like candies. I jus wish I had a much more beautiful experience than this. I wish I could tell my baby hw amazing it was carrying her in my belly. But this isn't the case. 

Right nw I jus want her to grow healthily and well for the remaining 16 wks she has in me so tt when I finally hold her in my arms... All this was all worth it. I know when I hold her in my arms for the veri first time it would feel so satisfying tt these 10mths hav came n gone.. Though suffering it was all worth it. 

I jus watched 'itsjudytime's' birth of her twins on YouTube n I jus can't wait to hold my baby. My husband actually watched it wif me n said he may jus puke if he has to cut the cord of baby. I laughed. He knew I had a crappy day today n he jus kept encouraging me n being by my side as I cried n whined. Every waking moment I thank The Lord for guiding me towards finding him. Cuz realli Sean is the most patient person. He always noes wat to say to make everything feel better. N the 3 times I've gotten hospitalized he always stayed over wif me at the ward cuz I'm scared to sleep alone esp in hospitals. I jus know he's gg to be an amAzing father. Another reason y I can't wait for this baby to be born cuz it's another side of Sean I will see n fall in love wif all over again. 

15 weeks n 4 days left till we see ur lil face. 

24 weeks n 2 days thoughts

Totally not feeling it today. In the worse mood ever n it's even worse when I can't even sleep it off. Normally when I'm in a foul mood I would jus lock myself up in my room n sleep the day n away n feel so much better when I wake up. Nw Becuz I'm freakin like Humpty Dumpty wif back aches n growing abdominal cramps... I can't get into a comfy position to sleep. I had to cry n tire myself out n I fell asleep. 

Feeling super miserable today. For some reason I jus keep crying n feeling so frustrated when I think abt hw hard this pregnancy has been. Like it's another 16 horrible weeks of this. I'm trying so hard to stay positive cuz "happy mummy = happy baby" n watever u feel gets somehow passed to baby. I don't want my child to feel unwanted cuz she's not!! I love her so much but it's jus so difficult!! I realli wanna enjoy this whole process but I realli am not. The onli enjoyable thing abt it is tt I get to meet my precious lil one at the end of all this torture. I jus pray for strength n perserverance for the remaining long n hard 16 weeks. 

(Edited)

I wake up to this every wkend(: this is pure blissful family love. 

I made pancakes a few days ago n my husband loved it so much he asked for it today. So it was another fluffy day! 

Still feeling so out of it. I realli need a dam bloody awesome sleep. Cause I realli havnt slept well in a dam long time!! Sighhh n then when baby comes my sleep will also be gone. Horrible 

Nw I've come down wif a wheezing kinda cough which also keeps me up. Realli when can I ever rest!!!? 

Oct to nov

Backtrack to oct to nov... 

October 2013:

I finally turned 21 n decided to throw an alcohol buffet at my fren's bar wif a few of my close frens I havnt seen in a while. It was a great bday jus tt Sean n I suffered terribly!! We puked like mad n actually he got more drunk than I did thxs to my frens! Haha. N did u noe I was already growing a life in my belly but I had no clue abt it!! (Shall talk more abt tt later like our worries n all since I drank so much then!) 

The Line buffet dinz to celebrate mumsie's n my birthday cause her bday is jus 5 days be4 mine. 

November 2013: 

Nov was a veri exciting mth for Sean n I cuz we found out we were expecting. Tt of course came wif a wave of nervousness too like hw would our family take it? Wat happens next? Can we realli financially support a child? N Becuz I drank while the lil one was growing in me... We were so worried abt FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome) n all tt crap. (Thankfully nw we know everything is growing according to plan n baby is healthy) Tt aside... It was also my university graduation. U see I nv completed my O levels, A levels or TEE (in Aus). So this was kinda a big deal to me. It's like if I don't graduate I'm basically screwed. So I finally did n I'm glad throughout my uni life Sean was always thr for me. Frm exam stress to annoying project works n all... He was always encouraging n he took my whines n cries veri well. So to come this far I was estactic. 

N then we found out we were pregnant... I flew to London n Dubai... 

Made a trip up to Leeds to visit mum's fren...

Because I knew I was pregnant already... I did some baby shopping wifout letting my mum noe (at this point she was still unaware). 

I got these soft lil blankey which had a soft toy attached to it as a comfort blankey for baby. All gender neutral stuff cuz we didn't noe the gender yet. 

Finally got my Celine bag after eyeing it for 2yrs?! But got the Trapeze instead of the luggage. 

Sent this photo to Sean n he said "u look like a baby. Bb is gonna be a cute baby" aww fatherly hormones kicking in. 

Met up wif Best in London too! 8yrs n counting... 

N then off to Dubai we went cuz we flew by Emirates n decided to make a pit stop thr be4 flying home. 

Went to Dubai mall which is like the largest mall in the world n gosh it realli is HUGE!! Went to the aquarium thr. 

N of course we had to go to the desert whilst in Dubai. It was against my morals to sit on the camel so here is an attempted selfie wif the camel. 

N then when I finally got home frm wat felt like the longest vacation ever... I managed to get 1 of the jobs I applied for (I shall get to tt in another post). But what I'm trying to say is tt the end of last yr was such a whirlwind for me. I went through so many milestones at one go!!! Frm turning 21... Finding out I'm gg to be a mother... Graduating... N then starting legit adult work.. Planning a wedding in 2mths n becoming a wife n daughter-in-law. Wow imagine hw stress n crazy I got seriously which really wasn't doing my baby n I any good. My work realli affected me emotionally n physically n I shall get to tt in the next post! Let's jus say I'm still recovering frm tt horrible place (it's been abt a mth since I quit -.-