39wks n 4 days/9wks n 6days old: our princess is loving home

So if you've been following me on my Instagram (foeshitzme) n my fb u would hav known baby gwyn finally came home on the 21st of June which is 5 days be4 her due date (: many of the nurses were so happy to see her home but yet said will miss this cutie. N they all said she realli progressed realli quickly ever since she came off the oxygen. 

She took a while to get off the oxygen as u all may noe but once she got off it, it was abt 2wks n she came back home! She was seeing a speech therapist to help her wif her bottle feeding n within a wk she made amazing progress! In 10 days she was off the feeding tube! So thank God n for all the prayers she came home wifout oxygen n the feeding tube. 

The last nite at the hospital wif our princess. 

Can u see we were trying to make the same face as baby? Haha so who does she look like? 

Her first time sitting on her "lambo" (so the nurses call it) 

Home at last (: 

Baby's first ootd cuz people were visiting her for the first time since the hospital 

So Hws life back home wif baby? She's been nth but amazing. She's nt fussy... She has a set schedule by the hospital n cries to be fed every 3-4hrs... I hav successfully latched her once on Sunday n today. But I realise she won't take my boobs when it's time for feeding. But she would drink frm my left boob as a snack like after a few hrs after her meal. So dam weird this baby but she's a mad cutie!! She onli wakes up once at 4ish am. Everyone loves her... Ahh she's jus a joy to hav at home. 

Like finally after waiting for 2mths.. All the tears I've shed n hw far we hav come as a family.. Our baby is finally home safe n sound. 

I love to smell n kiss her. She smells like flowers until she farts n poops. Haha but so far we hav onli changed her poopy diaper once. She hasn't pooped in 2 days n if she doesn't poop by tonite we will bring her to the GP tmr. 

Nw she's sleeping so soundly n it's movie nite wif my husband. 

My angel.. My love... My life. 

My breast feeding journey part 1

On the 19th of June I was given the first chance to breast feed baby gwyn since she's off the feeding tube n has been taking her bottles fully. So I was super excited when I found out I could try my hand at breast feeding cuz it's such a good bonding experience n it's like an experience for a mother. I was assisted by gwyn's speech therapist n one of my favorite nurses. 

Okay I always Thot breast feeding was dam easy. I mean how hard is it to shove ur nipple into a baby's mouth rite!? WRONG!! Baby gwyn has always taken veri well to te pacifier since the day we introduced it to her during her nicu days.  N then jus a few days ago successful got the bottle feeding down. Her suction is rather strong I must say n got even stronger these past few days wif practice frm the bottle. Cuz baby gwyn has been so used to the hardness of a pacifier n the bottle, she hated my nipple!! Like she jus refused it! She was clearly hungry n wanted to suck but she jus won't take it. It took the nurse n speech therapist a lot of coaxing n shoving n squeezing my boobs for like an hr be4 she gave in. It's realli a battle wif her. 

Thing is she is impatient, lazy, strong headed n stubborn (I jus described her daddy btw. Hahaha). She wants the milk immediately, doesn't wanna suck so hard jus to get it, doesn't want our help n wants to do things her own way. So after breast feeding her for 30-45mins... She was finally satisfied. 

Day 2 of breast feeding was jus a few hrs ago (20th). Boy did we go to war wif her again. I breast fed her successfully at 5ish pm but of course wif a lot of fights. N then again at 10ish. 

But she onli takes my left boob n nt my right!? Weird lil one! So my rite boob is always super hard nw.

Breast feedin also kinda screws up my pump schedule. Cuz I pump every 2-4hrs max 5hrs. So nw when I breast feed her I hav to pump out 1/2 cuz I hav quite appt of milk n they are afraid it might choke her. Then she onli drinks frm my left boob leaving my rite boob hanging -.- 

Oh wells... Will try everyday, 2 times a day n hope she gets it soon. Cuz honestly if I hav to pump for her.. It will be a chore when we start to take her out n all. Cuz tt means having to bring the pump out whenever we head out. 

I'm not giving up!! I will fight wif her till she gets it! 

38wks n 4days/8wks n 6days old: the test of faith

We are coming to the end of our journey at th nicu/high dependency ward wif our lil warrior princess. Boy has it felt super long n hard! But whenever I look how far we hav come as a family/hw far she has come, it's jus a veri amazing n comforting feeling to noe such a small being noes abt the determination to fight for her life. I'm truly proud to hav baby gwyn as my daughter. 

God has gifted her to us during the mpst least expected time of our lives. N He was the one tt determined when she would be born. No doubt we were terrified at the beginning but it just showed us hw we needed to trust in The Lord that he will carry us through which He clearly did. No parent would want their child to suffer so early in their life. But onli God can determine which child would be able to make it through. He has blessed baby gwyn n gave her such a strong will to live. He has guided her n protected her when we can't be by her side 24/7. It was Becuz I knew she was being protected that I could safely leave the hospital everyday wifout her. 

God has been realli good to my family. Even to my mother too. N I'm sure He will continue to carry us through the rest of our lives. 

I hav strayed from God for yrs. But it's tough times like this tt make me realise He has never forsaken me. 

So I thank you Lord for always watching over me n my family n those who hav been diligently praying for baby gwyn/us everyday. 

It's almost time for her homecoming 

Little preemie warrior parental talk 2: how to be a superhero husband/daddy

We are on to our 2nd topic. N since it's Father's Day we mustnt forget about the daddies. First up, happy Father's Day!! Every yr Mother's Day is hyped up n u see social media being flooded by children posting pics wif their mums n writing heart felt messages. We tend to pay tribute n glorify our mothers more and "forget" abt our fathers. C'mon face it we are all guilty of that. Cuz it is our mothers who carried us for 10 whole mths n suffered the pains of child labour n being the main caregiver (esp if mummy is a stay home mum). But wat we fail to remember is daddy plays a veri important role in this parenthood journey too! 

My husband and I have a veri jovial relationship. He's 5yrs older than me but realli most of the time I forget he is older than me cuz we realli act like kids around each other. But when news broke that we were going to be parents 7mths ago, I was never worried about him being a daddy. He was always good with kids since he was already an uncle to his 2 nephews n 1 niece. They are terrified of him in fact but they hav a realli close relationship with him. He disciplines them n he is the no nonsense kind but yet he loves them so much. So I knew from the very early stages of our relationship; watching him interact with these kids, i knew he was going to be an amazing father. 

When a couple finds out they are pregnant n esp first time parents, they would read up on parenting books. But nope not my husband. I kept pestering him to read up but he didn't! He kept saying he was a "on the go learning daddy". FYI, we didn't go to any pre-parental classes either!! N plus baby gwyn arrived a lil too early to fully prep us. Can u imagine being young n 1st time parents wif no knowledge on hw to take care of babies (wats more baby gwyn is a preemie)!? But somehow I still wasn't worried. 

Back track, I had a horrible pregnancy which came with a lot of pain, tears n even being admitted to the hospital. My husband was always by my side. Trust me when I say I cried every single nite at one point n he was always veri tolerating n encouraging. 

Then came the sudden birth of gwyn which was nerve wrecking for both of us. He was optimistic n reassuring for all of us even though I knew how afraid he was too.

I've read many comments from mummies whose husbands aren't supportive of their breast feeding journey n can be tiresome when the hubs doesn't support it. Nt my husband. He has always been supportive of me breast feeding gwyn since day 1. In the initial wks he would wake up wif me in the middle of the nite n jus be a support n keep me company. Nw he doesn't wake up wif me but he does stay up wif me during my last pump session n then we head to bed together. 

It's exactly 2mths since we hav been parents to such an amazing precious lil gem. Yes we havnt realli kicked our role as parents into full overdrive yet but we are both learning along the way wif the guidance of the amazing nurses. He's realli stepped up the plate n earned a well deserving title as 'best daddy in the world'. He changes diapers better than me! He knows our daughter's temper n character quite well. He soothes her when she's fussy and he's an amazing swaddler. 

Whenever I look at him jus care for baby gwyn, i fall deeper in love with him. The way he looks at his daughter is an indescribable feeling. Like I know he will protect his lil princess at any cost n he will never let anything happen to her. N to his wife too. 

Yes this is a rather lengthy post but realli Sean has been an amazing husband n daddy. So let's condense it down to some tips on hw to be a superhero husband/daddy:

1) always be supportive to the wifey 

2) help out whenever you are home 

3) get involved 

4) take over the graveyard feeds so mummy can rest 

5) always hav an open communication wif the wifey (communication is VERI important) 

Found this on another preemie fb page n couldn't agree more 

So HAPPY FATHER'S DAY! You are a superhero in your child's eyes (: 

38wks n 1 day/8wks n 3days old: my baby is a warrior!

So some exciting updates on my lil warrior(: 

-she was moved to the high dependency ward last Friday (6/6) 

-she's in her own suite 

-she is on bottle feeds for every meal nw 

-the most she has drank was 41ml out of her 58ml! 

-she's nw being seen by a speech therapist who guides her in her feeds wif the bottle 

-she drinks abt 11-17ml on most feeds 

-she got off her oxygen aid 2 days ago (11/6) !! Yay! N she's doing absolutely well! Even during her feeds her vital stats are gd 

-I bathed her for the 1st time yesterday! (12/6) 

-n the speech therapist taught me hw to feed her by the bottle yesterday too! 

I've accomplished 2 milestones wif baby gwyn yesterday! It was a huge day for me (: we hav become more independent (lesser help by the nurses; changing her diapers, swaddling her, bathing her, feeding her)... These are milestones we need to overcome in order to be prepared to take her home. This Sunday we are attending a mandatory CPR lesson n we were told by past preemie mummies tt when they inform u to attend this class... Baby will be gg home real soon! So yay(((: 

Super excited cuz we hav realli come so far as a family! It's a journey tt has made us stronger n taught us abt patience, optimistism n learning hw to trust. We hav so much things to do!! N since we will be staying at Sean's for the 1st mth.. We realli hav ALOT of packing to do since we havnt been back home in 2mths! It's like a war zone thr cuz we hav baby stuffs everywhr in the room!! Ahh stress but excited max! 

This was the day she pooped so many times n she gave me this cheeky face 

Baby n mummy (: 

The day my husband n I went for brunch! I had mad craving for eggs. Eggs Ben was awwwwweeesommeeee! 

This cutie loves to make this face! Hahahaha her signature pout 

Then daddy said "eh stop making the kissy face! Who u wanna kiss huh!" LOL

Jus yesterday 

She's changed so much n watching her growth has been amazing. She's suppose to be growing in my belly still but we are able to watch her grow outside... It's jus wow. Our parenthood adventure will start soon! excited for the sleepless nites n cries (: 

My superhero daddy

To my super daddy: 

Mummy has told me the story of how you guys discovered my existence. I liked that story very much. It jus shows me how brave you were for all of us. You've been brave for our family since the very beginning of our journey. You told mummy no matter what happens you will always be by her side n she can count on you. And she told me how happy you were when you saw my heart beating for the first time. The pure joy n comfort she saw in your eyes jus made her so much more in love with you. 

Mummy always tells me how safe she feels whenever you are around. You always make sure to be by her side n comfort her while carrying me. I know it was tough on mummy and she cried a lot. But you were always there to wipe her tears n encourage her. 

Then came the day I was born... That was super scary for mummy and you. But u were again so strong for all of us. You sang worship songs, prayed so many times to protect me n mummy. I knew u were my hero then. U are our rock and superhero. Yes you were scared too. But u put on a brave front for all of us n kept telling mummy everything will be fine. 

The countless nites whr mummy would cry so much being all worried abt me during the initial wks of my birth.. U again nv failed to flood her with words of encouragement. Even when u were tired u would drive mummy down so she can see me. Uve been so optimistic n patient  abt my progress n I thank u for always encouraging me n nv getting disappointed when I had a setback. Instead u prayed for me everyday to get stronger. N here I am... Abt to cross the finish line of my hospital journey. 

Uve been a great daddy to me. Whenever I poop while u are changing me, u nv get mad but laugh it off n tell me funni jokes. U will sing to me whenever u carry me or whenever I'm crying. I may be sleeping most of the time but I can hear every word u say. N I realli like the sound of ur voice. It comforts me. 

I may not be home to celebrate your first Father's Day wif u guys but I will nv miss any future celebrations. I love u so much daddy n I can't wait for u to teach me things like ride a bicycle, watch soccer games wif you n irritate mummy together! Heehee. Happy Father's Day to the greatest superhero daddy in the world! 

This is my mummy n daddy's last Christmas wif jus the 2 of them! I was inside mummy's belly. 

Look I'm in mummy's tummy here! Their last New Years as a twosome ! 

Here's daddy encouraging n being by mummy's side as she was abt to deliver me. 

N this is my daddy carrying me. Can u see hw amazing of a daddy he is! 

Yeps this is MY daddy. No one shall hav him!!

My daddy always tells me things which he thinks is funni but as u can see I beg to differ! Heehee 

Lots of love: 

Baby Gwyneth Hope(:

Little preemie warrior parental talk: I've got the baby blues?

today baby gwyn is 37wks old exactly. so by rite she should still be swimming in my belly but my little princess was jus too excited to wanna see mummy n daddy so she made an early appearance. if you've been following my parenthood journey, from the time i got pregnant till delivering a preemie baby, you would have known i never had en easy journey at all. being pregnant was a horrible time of my life. of course i was soooo happy tt i was blessed wif baby gwyn but the process of it sucked so badly! then giving birth to her early cuz of my low placenta jus increased my stress levels even more. yes i dreaded being pregnant n wanted to get over it quickly but not like this; putting my child at any health risks. but praise the Lord she's a true warrior n God has been watching over her so closely n helped her triumphed any obstacles thrown at her. she's a healthy lil princess warrior n is still fighting hard to make her lungs stronger so she can come home to us soon!

I've decided to start a segment on my blog called "little preemie warrior parental talk (LPWPT). basically its a series of topics which we preemies parents may face/are facing n through my experience i hope to be a support for you n let you know you aren't alone! so do look out for these posts cuz they can be useful to you too(:

anyways today's topic is on post natal depression (PND). i don't know if many who've read my posts could pick up the signs that i did suffer a mild post natal depression becuz baby gwyn is a preemie. the first few weeks were terrible. my husband n i were both filled with anxiety n uncertainty; would she hav any health risks? would she need surgeries? would she even survive? seeing her everyday with tubes running in n out of her was heartbreaking. its jus too much for such a tiny being to go through. i often stared at her incubator with tears streaming down my face. my husband would comfort me n reassure me tt she is fine n fighting on but i knew he was worried too. but he needed to be strong for the 3 of us since i was such an emotional wreck.

the first few weeks saw me balling my eyes out almost everyday. every time when i came home from the hospital n lied in bed at nite, i would be sobbing in my pillows. thr were nites whr it got so bad my husband would take me to go see her in the middle of the nite. but when i got to see her, yes i was comforted she was fine but i still balled my eyes out. like why did God put such a tiny being through all this? n i often wondered is she scared being all alone in such a foreign place? is she scared of all the needles n all? i jus wanted so much to be by her side 24/7 but obviously not possible.

then it transited to me blaming myself for her early arrival. did i cause this? what could i hav done to prevent all this? did i walk too much? did she get enough nutrients from me? why did it happen to us; our daughter?

i was struggling so much wif all these uncertainties n also not being able to fulfil my role as a mother. a mother is suppose to be able to pick their child up when she/he cries, breastfeed n be thr for their child 24/7 once they are born. but for me i could do none of these. whenever she cried all i could do was hold her hand, i could not breastfeed her (still am not able to). i felt useless as a mother. the only thing i could provide for her was breast milk n when my supply dropped suddenly my anxiety increased even more. it only got better when she was getting stronger n more stable n we were able to be more involved wif her; kangaroo her, change her diapers, cuddle her, basically be more hands on.

one of my worse days were during mother's day. i was jus such an emotional wreck tt day cuz it was my first mother's day; its suppose to be special wif my baby still swimming in my belly safely. but she was far away frm me in the hospital. my husband n i went for lunch n all i saw was parents cradling their children. i had a bad meltdown in public cuz i jus couldn't handle it. i felt my first mth of motherhood being robbed away frm me; i wasn't the 1st person to change her diaper, hold her, cuddle her, soothe her, bathe her, feed her n i didn't hav her wif me to celebrate my 1st mother's day (thankfully my husband knew wat to do to comfort me; but thats another post i will save for).

i studied psychology so i knew wat the signs were for post natal depression. it got clearer though when 1 of my readers/followers on instagram pointed it out to me. but I'm also a person who expresses n talks abt my feelings all the time to my husband. my husband too suspected i had PND and i was thankful he was always around whenever i needed him or was having a bad meltdown that day. he was always so strong for us n flooded me with reassurances that everything n she will be ok.

i guess its becuz of the huge amount of support i had frm my husband n family n i had such an open communication with them that i got out of my PND on my own fairly quickly. i did think of gg to see my gynae or a psychologist but thankfully i got better. n also she was doing so well with no complications n tests results were gd that jus helped speed up my recovery.

what I'm trying to say is its ok to hav PND. the most important thing is to recognise it n seek help; be it support from your spouse, family, psychological intervention or medication, its very important to acknowledge you have a problem n seek treatment. PND can escalate to even worse states which would implicate your caregiving abilities to your child n being a mother of a preemie you realli don't need any more complications. its also very important to have an open communication with your spouse/family. you must communicate and let your feelings known. don't suffer alone! its already tiring enough nt being able to sleep well becuz you are constantly worrying about ur child in the hospital.

for husbands n family members, be a strong support to your wife! always check up on her emotions n hav a healthy communication flow. never neglect her or blame her for giving birth to a preemie! you think its her choice to wanna give birth to a fragile baby with so many uncertainties? thr are many reasons y women give birth to preemies but its NEVER her fault. parents with preemies are more prone to divorces (which i will talk abt soon) so communication is the key n never shift the blame to your wife.

Symptoms of PND: 
-sad or low
-unable to enjoy anything
-extremely tired with no energy
-feelings of hopelessness
-a sense of guilt
-lack of appetite
-feeling miserable
-tearful all the time
-anxious

(extracted from http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a557236/postnatal-depression-pnd#ixzz33juU8b3R )

Do feel free to email me if you need someone to talk to! rmb support can come from anyone as long as you have one! yukimi_11@hotmail.com

n if you hav any topics u want me to address, pls email me too!

my next topic on this series is all about the fathers as father's day is soon approaching! so do look out for tt next.

Support

Recently I've been getting a few emails frm mummies wif little preemie warriors. Initially when I first started our fb page 'little preemie warriors' it was actually more a support system for me as I was struggling during the initial stages when baby gwyn was taking a while to get better. I would see a rainbow whenever mummies shared their stories wif me. It was wat kept me gg. 

Thr were times I realli felt so deflated I actually had a Thot of nt coming to see gwyn so I won't get disappointed if she didn't make any progress. But I couldn't go 1 day wifout seeing my princess. Yes it was heart breaking whenever she didn't make progress or would take a step back... But I'm thankful n lucky I had strong support frm my husband, family n also frm mummies who hav been through/are gg through wat I'm gg through. 

Today another mummy emailed me n shared wif me her story. She is one tough lady I must say. It hasn't been an easy journey for her but she's still so strong n optimistic for her son. 

I'm happy to know, though it's a realli small community thr is some form of support we can give to one another. 

Pls do continue to email me/fb me if u need any support/help (: 

Email: yukimi_11@hotmail.com

Fb name: Sharmaine Koh 

Fb page: http://facebook.com/littlepreemiewarriors 

36wks n 3days/6wks n 5days old

Some pics first... 

Rooing my baby 

My favourite pic of her so far!! I can't help but smile whenever I see this pic! 

Saturday 31/5:

River safari cuz it was family day wif his work people. 

Oh n I'm using the new samsung nxmini (: 

Nose is super red as I was recovering frm a flu 

They let her try to be bottle fed n she was such a champ! Took in 5ml tt day n the next morning she took 12ml!! 

Sunday 1/6:

This was after her water bath which I think she kinda enjoyed. She screamed at first cuz I guess she got woken up frm her sleep but when warm water touched her body... She was all quiet n relaxed. 

Update on baby gwyn as of today: 

-she has moved wards which is still under nicu but we like to call it our presidential suite cuz it's super private n quiet 

-she's nw 2.4kgs 

-off the CPAP n back on the oxygen flow tubing 

-increase dosage of caffeine as she sometimes forgets to breathe in her sleep 

-took her 1st water bath 

-is being fed by the bottle (2 feeds out of her 8) 

She's realli doing so well!! It's jus a matter of jus a few wks till she comes home to us (: ahhh it's been such a long journey for Sean n I n I'm so glad we are almost at the finish line!! 

Do continue to pray for our lil warrior princess!