A very fail moment as a mother

I bet most mums if not all can relate with me on this. When your child just has a crazy meltdown and no matter what you do nothing seems to calm the Lil bug down. You thought "hey OK I have boobs and boobs always comfort her. I shall shove them into her mouth and pray she keeps quiet." But no for some reason she didn't want her usual source of comfort. When even your boobs fail you... You feel like the most fail mother on the planet. Then you try the normal methods like rocking... Carrying.. Bouncing.. Singing. Nothing works! Mind you G was doing balistic in the car where I obviously can't walk around right.

Then there comes my mother. Who stopped the car at the side of the road and swapped places with me. Once she carried G she immediately calmed down. Yay to no more screaming but at that moment my heart fell to the pit of my stomach. Like wad my daughter doesn't want her own mother to soothe her?! On the other hand I was thankful she could calm down with the help of my mum but yet as a mother you feel like a failure. I was actually quite upset with G at that point too. So imagine all these negativity and deflatedness I was feeling. I just wanted to rush home and surrender her to my husband.

Sean saw how exhausted and deflated I was like I lost a horrible war. Which in fact I did. He took G and asked her "why you make mummy so angry?" She smiled. Thing with babies now is they don't understand the different emotions we give them. They haven't learnt how to differentiate between anger or sadness. So they just simply laugh it off or smile. Which honestly can be annoying cause you just can't stay mad at them. Like how to when this Lil bug is smiling  at you? I refuse to look or talk to G for a while. Until I was calm and the world felt like a better place then I picked her up and kissed her. And then I told sean "I need a job NOW!!" 

I don't know if G is going through a phase. But she breaks out in such weird crazy moods and she is so hard to put to sleep! She crawls all over.. Pulls everything she can get her hands on. I'm so so exhausted but yet glad I'm not working now so I can deal with her.

As I'm typing this she is trying to dig my eyeballs out. Yeps this is my Lil active destructive monster I have now. Praying its a phase please so I can feel like a human again.

But really its a love hate relationship I have now being a sahm. I love being with my daughter but times when she's being a lil monster I wish I had a job which entails me being away from her for a good 8hours or more. But I know I will regret saying this when I actually have a job again. I guess as a mother or human you just can't be fully satisfied right?

Haiya but just look at how cute she is!! How to stay mad at you my sweet pea?

My lil big girl...

Sean just put G to sleep. I looked at how he cradled her and rocked her to sleep. Her legs stretching way past his ribs. She used to fit so nicely in daddy's arms. On one arm even. Now she's sprawled out of his arms. My lil girl is growing so fast. Tears welled up in my eyes after seeing how far she has come. She was a tiny fragile thing living in an incubator for the first month of her life. Now she's big.. Healthy and doing us very proud with the things she does everyday. She's mine and I'm so proud to call her my daughter.

We all love you so much Gwyneth. More than you can ever imagine.

Things my husband does that really annoys me

I have never blogged about such topics before. All along I've only blogged about G.. Her milestones and some parental stuffs because I never thought I would ever need to touch on these. But today is the day.... Yep the title pretty much sums it up...

Things my husband does that really annoys me:

1) when he doesn't bother to call or message to let me know whether he is done with work or his where abouts or what time he will be home.

This is one thing I really cannot stand!! I can't emphasize how many times I've had squabbles with him over this. OK you see when I had a job and if I end at 11pm.. I always always call my husband to let him know I'm leaving work and on the way home. Because its late and all. But as time went by I realize it doesn't matter to him if I call or what.

To me its not just about the safety part. Like what if something along the way happens and all. No its just a responsibility as a spouse right? To inform the other half where you are or what time you will be home. I had this conversation with my ex colleagues too who are husband or boyfriends. They all don't see a need to. But to women its a big deal! Its not because we don't trust you but really its your responsibility as a boyfriend or husband to let your girlfriend or wife know where you are! Is it that difficult to drop a simple message like "otw home or leaving work?" 2 words is all I ask for and its like a chore to men -.-

2) when he's constantly on the phone

My husband has become so attached to his phone its ridiculous. I can be sitting there talking to him and he's on his phone. And when I ask him what I said he just tells me half of what I said. Like what?! What is so darn important you can't pay attention to your wife? And it pisses me off when he's on the phone when G is sitting in front of him. Can't you put down your phone and give your daughter attention?

Lately he's become a phone addict ever since his stupid hobby. Which brings me to point 3

3) his stupid shrimp hobby

Yea my husband rears shrimps. Tiny stupid hei be. No joke they are that small. I don't know how much he has spent on this and I rather not know cause I will be so darn angry. For a period of time he used to come home.. Stare at his shrimps.. Then say hi to his daughter then his wife. Until one day I got so irritated I told him off. Like wth his shrimps are more important than his family? Crazy or what. And why he's constantly on his phone cause he has several group chats which he names "crazy shrimpers" or "shrimpers" which are constantly messaging each other. Like really wtf?! Or he's following shrimp Facebook accounts. Someone just kill me now.

Oh and if you see our room... Its like I'm living in a dam aquarium. He has 2 tanks on the computer table. One long tank which is segmented into 3 parts... 1 huge ass shelf with 1 MBS like infinity pool on the top... And 4 other tanks below it. And he has to put dam bloody bright lights on each of the tanks. Can you imagine how bright the room is?! And the lights are even on when we sleep. And I HATE light. Like seriously I think I'm a vampire cause I really hate the light or bright day. So imagine how hopping mad and irritated I get with his stupid tank lights. Sighhh #whyismyhusbandlikethis

My husband and I hardly argue... But when we do have petty arguments these are the 3 main reasons. Sometimes I really don't understand what goes on in his head.

Despite these 3 stupid and horrible thinga of his that I hate and cannot stand... He still is an awesome husband and daddy (most of the time). Plus he's not always like that. And sometimes I can tolerate his such nonsense but when I'm cranky or really need his attention on things... Then that's when I go bananas.

I still love you you annoying person. Plus I'm stuck with him forever. So its all about compromise and tolerance in a marriage and to accept one another's flaws and habits even when they are stupid and weird. And also always acknowledge and apologize when you are at fault and the other must always be willing to forgive and forget.

Now that I'm back to blogging.. I shall also start blogging a marriage series so do look out for those. Even though we have been married for a year... This year has taught me a lot. So I shall share our experiences with you. And also because I will be studying my Masters in counselling in July. So once I start I shall share what I learn over here. 

1st wedding anniversary

A year back we got married at Pan Pacific Singapore. We went back again to celebrate our 1yr anniversary but this time with G(: she was such a great baby and definitely and awesome hotel staycation baby! She enjoyed herself so much and what I found great was they provided us with a baby cot and a travel kit with baby shampoo and what nots! Plus point for that though we had many hiccups prior to making our booking. And then on the day of our check in we found out we were given another voucher for another room. So we booked it and gave it to my in laws. Had an awesome stay with my family! Next up is an actual holiday to another country.

Nothing is more important than my family. They give me strength and keep me going everyday.

*apologies to an abrupt ending... Trying to test if I can successfully upload this post! I promise a more coherent post next!*

Hello feb!

Its now February... Time to update everyone on what has happened so far for me personally since last October.

Well I decided it was time for me to look for a job. Was offered a job at some place I didn't want so I turned it down and also I didn't think I was ready to start work and leave G.

In November I sent out resumes again. This time to places I wanted to try. I started work in December at a hotel. Honestly I enjoyed it. My colleagues made it so much more enjoyable and fun. But what was frustrating was that my progress was always held back. I'm a very sociable person. So naturally I would excel once my boss put me at the front reception.. But I was always thrown to the telephone operator position especially when someone was sick. So I really wasn't at the front long enough. And then one horrible encounter totally caught me off guard and hurt me so badly. It was a very personal attack on me as a person and to me i dont deserve and shouldnt take such crap from a total stranger. Even though I had all the support of my colleagues and managers... It was a psychological barrier which I couldn't make myself cross hence I decided to quit after 2months. Everyone knows I'm not like that. And even though I was at the front for a short while... I've gotten compliments on my service via comment cards and even received "love letters" from my guests.

I'm still healing from this horrible encounter and only wish upon bad karma on that horrible being.

Anyways moving on from this... I've also decided to pursue my Masters. So that would be very exciting! For now I go back to being a sahm (tai tai) but also keep looking out for jobs that would suit me. And I pray third time is a charm... I will actually enjoy.. Love and stay at my next job.

Long overdue post

It's been far too long since I last blogged. Mainly because I changed to Samsung and the blogger app doesn't seem to work very well. 


Time is passing by too fast... It's now feb and Sean and I jus celebrated our 1yr wedding anniversary 2wks ago. Soon G will be 1 in 2mths time! Excuse me while I burry myself under my blanket and cry! 


These are some old pictures of G... She has definitely changed a lot!! Amazing how fast and how much they grow everyday.













































































Now G is turning actual age 10mths on Sunday when she jus turned corrected age 7mths a few weeks back. 


Milestones so far: 

-she can crawl very well! Started abt 6mths CA 


-she is now able to pull herself up n stand up 


-she's eating veri well too!! Started her on solids at CA 6mths just after a visit to her speech therapist. Initially I started her too early and she rejected solids like mad. I was so worried she won't start eating!! But miraculously after 1 visit to her speech therapist she started eating a lot and at a very fast pace too. Whatever u give her she eats! Plain porridge... Sweet potato porridge... Sweet potato... Pumpkin... Avocado... Apple... Quinoa porridge... Sneak some cake... Icecream... Soy icecream and all too! Haha she loves icecream !! 


-when you reach your hand out to her.. She will grab it and pull herself up to stand

Think that's about it... I've been trying to upload this post for months!! Fingers cross it works