Feeling real upset again. Some nites I fall asleep so easily cuz I'm jus too tired. Then thr are most nites when I jus cry. Or when I visit baby gwyn I would jus stare at her n cry. I jus want her home. I nv Thot or expect it to be this hard.
Through most of my pregnancy I was crying abt hw hard n hw much pain n discomfort I was in. Nw even after she's born I'm still crying. That's hw miserable I feel abt everything nw.
I'm like counting down or giving a mental time frame for her to come out. Like thrs an expectation. I was jus reminded by another preemie mummy I shouldn't do tt cuz when thrs expectations comes disappointment. True tt. If she didn't reach "my goal weight" I expected her to reach I do get a lil disappointed n upset. But I jus can't help it. I'm honestly battling wif myself nw.
This emotional torture is jus so dam hard. Every nite I look at pics n watch videos of her be4 I sleep n I jus burst into tears. Wat makes things worse is when I look at Instagram pics of other parents who get to hold their child n be home wif them n all. Sigh
It's gonna be wk 3 soon. Somehw time is passing fast but yet slow at the same time. I jus want my babygirl home.
Pls continue to grow strong, gain weight n learn to breathe independently so u can come home faster to mummy n daddy. You hav no idea hw much tears I've shed over you and how it pains me whenever I leave the hospital wifout u. May the days go by n u can achieve these milestones. I just can't wait to have u back home.
I love u sweetheart.
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