Thoughts at 3am

-dam coffee I had at 9pm is keeping me up (it's now almost 3.30am) 

-stomach churning from the nasi lemak I had for dinner 

-baby G is wiggling around... Time to feed her soon 

-pumping milk now as I'm typing this (not going to give this milk to baby G as it's laced with caffeine) 

-wanna eat something (shall go make a snack while making baby G's milk hot later) 

-I know I'm going to crash after this very badly (n I got lunch plans with my mummy at 12.30 later) 

I guess I can't sleep is due to the dam coffee and my slight anxiety. Searching for jobs online and I'm stuck. I've got a degree in Bachelor of Arts (psychology). I really don't know what I wanna or can do. I wish I can be a stay at home mum (tai tai) for the rest of my life. But I can't since I don't wanna put all the financial stress on my husband and I figured I may get bored. Eventually I do wish to be a stay at home mum but not any time soon as we just bought our house and finances would then chalk up in the coming years. Now I can afford to not work since we really don't have much heavy expenses to bear. 

1) i've always had the interest in planning events since I think I'm pretty good at it? So I'm thinking the hotel industry. 

2) I was good at developmental psychology when I studied it. Always had a secret interest in it which I forgot about until giving birth to baby G. Like somehow having a child ignited that passion again. But with this I definitely need my Masters. There is a school which offers this degree but requires work experience in the education field which I don't have. Sighhh which means if I really want to go for this I need to work in a school (which I did for a month but no way in hell am I going back there). But I don't have any interest in being a teacher? 

3) I've always been intrigued by criminal psychology or working in the prison. Went for interviews for that but did not cut it cause it was work at the male prison and I guess they think I'm too tiny and weak to work there (which my husband didn't like the idea too; then I didn't know I was pregnant so it was a blessing in disguise that I didn't get that job). But i don't know... Something in me still would love to be given the opportunity to work in a related field like that. 

4) mental health is also an interest. But many people don't think I can take the emotional stresses that come with it (since I'm such an emotional person and I get too involved in people's feelings.) 

Sigh so stress. I gave myself till the end of the year to send out resumes and I should work by the beginning of next year. Now that the year is almost ending I'm beginning to panic. And that means my time of being a full time mummy is ending soon. Noooooo :(