This vs that

Yesterday I had my first meltdown as a mother. I knew this day would come eventually but I just didn't think I would react like how I did yesterday. Won't go into details on what happened but it inspired me to blog about this topic.... 

Whose kid is better? 

Being in an asian country... Being asian parents.. I think we have all experienced our parents or family members comparing us to so and so's child and that so n so's child being compared to you. Be it in regards to academic, physical appearance, weight, social skills, manners, upbringing etc the list goes on. No doubt my mother was like that too but not so over the top like some mummies who go "Aiyo why you so stupid not like so and so's daughter!!? I send you to classes with her and yet she does better than you!" 

My mum was subtle and less "hurtful" with her comparisons. But it got to a point where I exploded on her a few times when she would compare me with my friends. Cause honestly my feelings were hurt. And as a child you only want your own parents to be proud of you and not think another child is better. I think after I voiced out how hurt I was she realised and stop making comparisons. 

So tables have turned and now I'm a mother. Yes I do subtly compare baby G with other babies (but only to my husband and mother okay!) but that's because when baby G achieves a certain milestone for example I am super proud of her cause she is a premature baby. So when she hits a milestone that is earlier than what is stated of course I will bask in the glory that my daughter is smart! Come on which parent wouldn't! So guilty as charged on my part. And when baby G "performs" better than another baby I will be super proud and an immature little voice inside me will go "my child is better than yours." 

So yes I am guilty of comparing baby G with other babies. But I don't openly say it or put it out there! So I had to deal with people comparing baby G to another baby. And even though I know they don't mean it and it wasn't a direct hit at her.. I really felt super helpless that I couldn't defend my child. I felt super fail as a mother and really hurt. Like I wished I could have defended my child but that would just imply I'm super sensitive, overly protective and a crazy mother. 

But you gotta understand that Baby G had such a hard first 2 months of her life. So obviously I wanna give her the best care and attention. And as much as I don't expect it from other people but at least be a bit more sensitive and aware  of her and me. I never thought when you hear someone else say something indirectly about your child could hurt so much. I think if anyone would say anything directly to her I would have probably snapped and go hysterical. 

So I was balling my eyes out and had a good talk with my husband. I know I probably over reacted a little but at that moment I felt soooooo hurt. Like honestly I had my fair share of haters way back in my younger years and I had to deal with nasty keyboard warriors. But it's social media that made me have a thick skin for myself. I guess I need to grow another set of thick skin for my daughter. So I won't have another meltdown again. 

It's one thing to say something nasty to me but when someone says something about my own flesh and blood the pain you feel hits another level. 

So how do you parents deal with such encounters? I know it's going to happen to Baby G again and I would have to deal with it again. I just hope the next time around I wouldn't have such a bad meltdown. 

Yeps basically that's me having a meltdown. Mini me...