Loss...

These days i really have been struggling emotionally. I find myself crying alot. Mostly because i am preparing to mourn the loss of my relationship with Gwyn. You see in another 5-6weeks we will welcome her brother. She will no longer be our only child. She will no longer have all our attention. And this i find it so hard. I battle and struggle with this every night. Sometimes i find myself hugging her so tight cause i dont wanna let this relationship go. As i hold her tears will roll down my face. It breaks my heart thinking that when her brother comes im no longer just hers alone. Im also afraid how i would manage time with her alone. Especially trying to figure out a newborn and breastfeeding is going to take away time with G. G is surrounded by so many people who loves her. Im not worried of her being neglected or forgotten just because of her brother. But im afraid of the time baby L will rob away from her. And G and i are super close. As much as i should be resting and letting grandma, mama or daddy look after her more, i really wanna take these last few weeks to really treasure my time with her. You may think its silly but the fact is some things will change. And it is a phase all mothers expecting number 2 will go through. Whats even more sentimental is that G is a preemie. Shes our lil special warrior.




I also mourn the loss of my baby. My baby will no longer be my baby anymore but a full fledged toddler, a big sister. Time.. I also mourn the loss of time because these 18months of G's life has flown by too fast. And it hurts to think one day she won't need me anymore. She will no longer wanna hang out with mummy and daddy anymore, she no longer needs to be carried or want her hands to be held. Growing up really sucks...

This journey of motherhood is not going to be easy especially for someone so sentimental and emotional like me. And there will definitely be a lot of tears shed during the first few weeks of being a mother of two. So I can only pray for strength and a lot of support.



My dearest Gwyneth,

You are my first born and will always hold a special place in my heart. Things may change, you have to be brave and know that we love you and your brother very much. Mummy may not spend as much one on one time with you when baby brother comes out. But I promise you once I understand your brother we will have our special moments again. Just know that everyone loves you so much and that will never change.

If you need and want mummy, I will always be there for you. But give me time please to adjust to your new brother. We all need time to adjust to our new family member. But I promise you mummy and daddy will never neglect you. Don't ever feel you are replaced by your brother. Cause you are irreplaceable.

Maybe you are too young to understand fully who this didi is we keep telling you about. So don't be shocked when you see him. I know you will love you brother so much cause you just have so much love to give in your tiny heart. And you are so amazing.

Mummy loves you so much. Forever and ever you will always be my Lil angel....