Week 29

I'm officially 29wks n 5 days today! The gestation week I gave birth to G and so far baby L has been doing great!! Ever so active kicking and punching me inside. No signs of any early Labour so yay!!!

We celebrated Sean's birthday over the weekend at Crown Plaza hotel cause since we can't travel why not make it seem as if we are! Haha we have staycations every year on Sean's birthday. Last year we didn't take G but we decided to take her this year. She went to Pan Pac with us in Feb to celebrate our wedding anniversary but she was too young to really enjoy or be aware that hotel stays are so fun. Haha this time she was ecstatic!!

Daddy was late at work and I was feeling frustrated being home with her alone so I grabbed our huge ass heavy staycation bag, her diaper bag and toddler, called a cab and made our way down first. Luckily we were at the airport and had trolleys. So I put G on the rectangle bit and other bags on the trolley and off we took a long walk from 1 end of terminal 3 to the hotel which was so stupid cause I could have just stopped right outside the hotel -.- but never she enjoyed her Lil ride.

Checked us in first and the room was honestly not bad(: added to our list of favorite staycation spots! Service was great too! And once we entered the room G was bouncing off the walls! Haha like literally running n climbing up and down the bed, falling right into the fluffy pillows! She was that excited and happy. So cute that made me n daddy laugh so much! She was honestly excited till the time she slept at night!

Took her to play at the Mr Bean indoor playground which I felt was so expensive for such a tiny place but she has been dying to go there since we last went to the airport and walked past it. So this time we decided to let her play to make her happier. And she was so happy laughing and running around in there! Anything to make our Lil princess happy(:

Sean and I were just saying that next year this time we will have another Lil bubba to join us on our staycation adventure! Haha

Anyways I digress.. Suppose to talk about my week 29 symptoms.

-bad back aches
-baby L's movements are so hard that it really hurts me when he/she kicks! And baby likes to kick me really low; many mums miss the kicks and flips about pregnancy but I honestly won't miss it! So painful plsss... And I still feel its a weird and magical feeling
-breathlessness; my asthma has come back. I don't know if its the haze but I'm indoors all the time. But I get super breathless. Like feel like I'm suffocated or wad and not getting enough air. Sleep has been super affected by this cause I wake up every few hours just to puff my inhaler. I have to sleep slightly elevated. And it's even worse if G sleeps on me. And I think baby L hates it when Jiejie sleeps on me. Baby L kicks even more violently and then I can't breathe. Thing is baby isn't even up my chest or ribs! Imagine if baby grows to that big and goes near my chest. By then I think I really won't be able to breathe!!
-I've had a night of random bad cramps a few nights ago. Thankfully it was only a one off thing cause the cramps were like period cramps but wasn't frequent to be contractions. The cramps also caused some pain in my back. And it happened when I was going to sleep which was so so uncomfy. I thought I had to go into Labour ward again but Yea nothing too alarming.
-I get so tired and feel so sluggish these days I honestly hate to go out but hate staying at home too cause I'm bored out of my mind!! Urggg...

Weight: 51.9kg still...
Total weight gain since Pre preg: 6.9kgs

I think that's about it for this week. Seeing my gynae and Uro on Thursday! Excited to see baby L again and find out the weight of baby(:

Really so over this pregnancy. Another 7wks and we hit full term!! Go baby go!!

Week 28

Down with UTI.. Again. Whats new right? And this week my anxiety has heightened. We are approaching week 29 which is the week i gave birth to G. So i am particularly anxious. Every pain, twitch, whether baby moves or not stresses me out.

I went to my urologist today and found out my kidneys are also swollen. That explains my super painful back pains. And then im all nauseous again today. Totally no appetite or when i eat i feel so lousy. And a few days ago i passed out some thick mucus. I was so worried it was my mucus plug but yet my gut feeling told me im fine im just being crazy paranoid. And yesterday i had some tingling pain at my belly. It only happened while i was driving back home but since i was at the hospital i thought why not go see my gynae. But i also felt some tightening at my belly and he suggested i just walk into labour ward so that can monitor me better. Yes im a woman with alot of problems -.-

Thankfully nothing is dilated or i wasnt having any contractions. My cervix wasnt open either. So everything is all good. My gynae even popped by to check on me and he suggested i take the steroid shots to speed up maturing of baby L's lungs just in case i would go into early labour. With G i only had 1 dose instead of the required 2 which i reason why she took so long to get off the oxygen aids while at the Nicu. So i do feel at ease now that my gynae has taken this precaution this time around (my gynae is different btw).

I have to go in tomorrow for my second dose. This jab is super painful!! When i took it for G i remember how painful and numbing it was. So when the nurse jabbed me just now i screamed and gosh it was the same pain -.- and mind you i do have a high threshold of pain so when i say its painful it really is!! Its been 6hrs since i took the jab and my butt still hurts. Fml

I have faith in baby L that he will make it further than G. But once i cross the 30weeks then i will feel better.

Soon we will be a family of 4. Sean and i are really excited to all the craziness! Haha

Week 26

Did not write about the past few weeks cause everything is pretty much the same. But one weird thing that changed was peeing. Because of my medical condition and augmentations i have in my insides, i cant pee normally. Like sit on the toilet and pee like every normal female. Ive been using a cathetar since birth. When i was 6 my mum taught me how to do it on my own just before i went to primary school. When i had to pee when i was in kindergarten, she had to come at specific times to help me. A bit of a back story. This is why im so susceptible to UTIs and all cause it is a foreign object entering my body. On the plus side when im forced to use dirty public toilets or squat toilets (especially when i travel) im blessed because i stand and pee and dont have to sit and touch the dirty toilet bowls. I will always be like this for life. Ive gotten used to it and its a norm to me! Initially i was embarrassed and found it such a hassle. And i was afraid of what my future partner would think about it. Sean has never seen me as being imperfect with a medical condition. Instead hes more concerned especially when i come down with UTIs and while being pregnant with G, he was concerned if my body could take it having no experience in such area. Actually we all were so uncertain on what to expect and all. I really suffered while being pregnant with G whenever i had UTIs. Poor sean had to endure my cries every night.

Now with baby2, we kinda know that we must prevent my UTIs and all. And with this pregnancy, it seems a lil easier now. The morning sickness was worse but i only had two UTI episodes and i remember with G i was crying every night and i really hated being pregnant. I still hate the process of being pregnant but its much more tolerable.

Anyways with this pregnancy, i can now spontaneously pee without the use of a cathetar. Which is both good and bad. Good because its like a change in my medical condition bad because i pee myself which is super annoying. If my bladder is slightly fuller, i pee myself -.- sometimes im in public and it really sucks!! Happened once in taiwan and we were stuck in a car on a road trip. Sometimes sean and i will be out and i will just stop and stand stationary. He used to ask me wth am i doing. Now he knows. Haha or i will be carrying G at home and i will have to immediately drop her and rush to the toilet.

Baby's kicks has been super strong too. stronger than G. But now i realise he loves to kick me so down below that i feel him at my down there sometimes!! Which is honestly a very bizarre and creepy feeling. Like hes going to punch or kick his way out. And it is painful too! So i believe he has turned yet hence his limbs are stretching and reaching all the way down below.

Oh and my back is starting to hurt. Sigh... Im honestly not very big still though. Most days i can be in baggy home clothes and my mother in law's friends wont know im pregnant. Or i can be wearing a loosely fitted top or dress and people still cant tell im pregnant (i get banged into in public still. Wtf). So yea sean says i just look fat -.- ive gained about 4.5kgs as of now. I started off at 45kgs, lost 2kgs along the way and now im slowly hitting 50kgs.

Going for our 26 week check up on Thursday and sean and i are always excited cause we get to see how baby is doing. And i also get to "complain" about my weird symptoms and get reassurance by my gynae that everything is going well.

29 wks n 5 days: the start of labour

Currently in the labour ward nw waiting to get my c section done. Yeps baby is coming out today n I'm onli 29wks n 4days. 

We rushed to the hospital at 3am when I woke up at 2.30 to find a huge blood clot n blood on my underwear. At tt point my heart stopped n I jus cried. I quickly cleaned myself up n went to the room to wake my husband up. I told him "we need to go to the hospital nw." In his dazed n groggy state he said "huh wad?" Then I showed him my pregnancy pillow which was covered in a pool of blood also. He went "OMG!" N quickly jumped out of bed n packed my stuff n off we went. 

I was hooked up on machines to monitor baby n by 5ish I was admitted. Gave me a steroid shot to help mature baby's lungs n tt hurt like a bitch. I was given an IV drip... Antibiotics n meds to slow down contractions. 

N then around 9ish they took me to get an ultrasound n they said baby is realli dam low. At tt point I was still gushing out blood. They wheeled me back to my room n I had a slight cramp n poof I had an anxiety attack. Cuz somehow every doc n nurse was wif me n they told me not to push. They wheeled the incubator n all those baby equipment in n thr I was lying thr in shock. I'm gg to deliver this baby today!!!? I quickly called my husband cuz he left me for a while n he rushed back. I was in sheer shock n panic cuz I'm jus nt ready! She's nt ready! I'm nt ready for a surgery!! Anxiety n stress kicked in. N I dunno wat to expect frm all this. 

Amongst all this panic n worry I had... My husband has been great. He's been saying prayers, holding my hand, reassuring me countless times tt everything n she will be ok n worshipping God. I'm so thankful for him. The onli thing tt made me stress again was tt he isn't allowed in the operating theatre wif me since I'm a high risk n emergency case. I jus don't like being alone. 

It's nw 1.27pm n my c sec will be soon. I will get to see my lil princess soon n I cannot be happier though she's so small still. Pls keep us in ur prayers. This has been such a crazy journey n experience for Sean n I. I've definitely seen a side of him today I've nv seen before n I'm greatly touched by it. I love u so much daddy. 

I had planned to get eyelash extensions n put make up n look more glam than this when welcoming my baby pls!! Sighh this is so depressing. Both my husband n I are so cui looking. We are sorry baby but we realli weren't expecting u this early so we are so unprepared!! 

28wks n 5 days

I've finally entered my 3rd n final trimester!!! Whooopppee (happy dance) n in no time I get to see n hold my lil princess who has been cooking in my oven for 10mths!!! Realli excited! Cuz my husband n I do talk abt wat she will be like... Hw she will react around us (cuz realli all parents are embarrassing to their kids rite?) hahaha who she will be become n all. So yea the anticipation of her growing yrs are all so exciting!! 

Wif the onset of my 3rd trimester comes new symptoms: 

sciatica 

-I've been having this tingling weird pain which travels down my left butt to my leg. N then I found out it could be sciatica. Which is caused by baby sitting on some part of ur lower back nerve n sends this weird tingling sensation down ur leg. It's something like a cramp/muscle pull but it's such a funni feeling idk hw to describe it! N i always laugh when it hits me cuz it does feel kinda funni too. 

Calf cramps 

-n then some mornings I get up wif calf cramps but onli happens on my rite leg. So I hav sciatica on my left leg n cramps on my rite -,- but it goes away within seconds so tts nt too bad 

Growing pains 

-it's coming back to haunt me again. For a while when I recovered frm my recent UTI, my belly was less hard n bloated. But nw I've been forcing myself to eat more n all so she will put on weight n get to the ideal healthy weight range... My growing pains are back n my belly has gotten real hard n bloated again. It's a gd sign la which means she's growing. But somehow my weight is still the same -.- so idk man... Realli hope she's put on weight n went past the 1kg mark 

Dry skin 

-this jus hit me this morning. Sigh... My skin is still gd n all jus the dryness annoys me!! My skin peels around my nose area n forehead. N many hav asked me if I'm jus so fair or pale cuz I seem to hav gotten super fair n all. Well idk... I realli need some color in my skin cuz I'm honestly like a white ghost. Many girls want tt super fair baby skin n spend money on whitening products. Mine is jus natural. If I stay out of the sun too long... My complexion jus goes to a sheet white color -.- 

Hmm I guess tts abt it for nw. Will update again if any new symptoms come up. Oh yea my baby is one feisty lil chicka I tell u! Whenever I'm sleeping n she's nt happy wif my position (think I'm pressing onto her certain part of the body), she will kick/push me so hard to signal me to move. N if I don't move she will jus keep wiggling around n all! My goodness... My husband says she's veri fierce. Hahaha 

My 28wks n 4 days baby bump. I'm nw 51kgs n my waist is 31.5inches. 

Shall end this post wif a pic of my husband who stole my pregnancy pillow -.- u should see our bed at my place. It has a freakin pillow fortress! 

27wks n 4 days thots

I honestly havnt been gg out much these days. 1stly I find it a chore jus to pick out wat to wear. I'm mostly in maternity shorts, a tight or loose top or a maxi dress. Somehow I feel maxi dresses looks so pretty on a pregnant woman. Haha! N plus it's fuss free. 2ndly I hav no mood to paint my face. I've embraced my natural awesome (thxs to my hormones) skin so most of the time when I do go out I'm bare faced. N even if I do go out nw it's to like nearby places which means I'm in shorts n tee shirt. 3rdly I can't walk for too long Becuz of my dilated cervix. So yea I'm always home n actually loving it.

 I noe I should be heading out more while I can be4 my baby arrives but I'm actually enjoying my time doing absolutely nth. Haha nw I'm realli jus catching up on my sleep be4 my baby comes. 

So anyways yesterday my husband, sis n her bf caught captain America at Jem's platinum suites. Ever since my husband n I discovered the comfort of watching movie thr... We hav said we won't watch movie unless it's at the suites. Plus nw I realli need a comfy chair in order to sit through a 2hr movie. So okay la nt too bad. I must say captain America 2 is better than the 1st one. But u do need to watch the 1st one in order to get the flow of the 2nd. Oh yea n stay till the veri end of the credits !! 

So every nite I make my husband bond wif our baby by talking to her or jus feeling her movements. It still scares him when he sees part of my belly move when she moves. Haha! Last nite while in bed I had tt overwhelming love, peace n joy. Like I realli can't wait for my baby to be born cuz I noe hw great of a father my husband will be to her. Esp since she's a girl... I noe hw protective he will be of her. I jus can't wait to see my family grow together. Becuz we are at my place more often nw... We are wif the our dogs more also. He's jus so gd wif them already wat more a human child! So yea I'm dying to see his fatherly instincts kick in overdrive(: 

Ah the anticipation kills me!! We are finally stepping into April n tt gives me 3 more mths till I see my precious angel!! Oh n update on my horrible symptoms of pregnancy... Well Becuz I was on antibiotics... My infection has cleared which means my back pains are ALOT better n I can walk n move around more. Also my mum arranges this lady who comes to our place once a wk to do a prenatal massage for me n she's realli dam awesome!! I've been sleeping better jus tt baby seems to love to kick me when I'm sleeping n my constant need to pee every 1.5hrs wakes me up n all but things are a lot better nw. They say 3rd tri is hard... I'm praying I get it easy. 

N nw I hav to realli force myself to eat n gain weight though baby is of the rite weight. But IF she would come our pretermed... Her weight isn't tt sufficient so nw I'm trying to gain weight n all. As of nw I've onli put on 5kgs so far (I'm 27wks n 4days today). I lost 1.5kg due to my infection n all. Most people would love to be in my position nw. Can eat watever u want. But I simply hav no appetite? Eating is such a chore nw. Sighhh. 

In the next 3mths we still hav baby stuffs to buy... Havnt even gone for those baby classes... Goshhhh! Gonna sign us up for classes wif the hospital in May (yes we are veri last min people). Oh wells... 

This post is all over the place. It's like my thots are running wild. Pregnancy brain. Shall end wif a pic frm yesterday's movie date day! 

27 wks n 1 day check up

Today we went for our 27wk ultrasound scan. It's the 3rd time seeing my gynae this mth; the previous 2 times were for my UTI... Today was a thoroughly progress check on baby. I was in the scanning room for quite a while. N baby wasn't veri cooperative today. She jus refuse to let us get a proper look at her. Bummer... But at least we noe she's growing accordingly n my gynae is veri happy wif her progress. In a sense whr she's growing steadily despite me falling sick quite a bit n nt eating much. N even the imaging technician tt always sees me says she's realli active. 

But thrs always a but. My placenta is veri low. Tt I already noe. But wat was said to me next jus literally crushed me n caused me to get an anxiety attack. My cervix has dilated. Which means I'm at a high risk of giving birth to a premature baby. Somehw my world literally came crashing down for a while when I was in the room. I held my tears back. I noe I've been saying hw much I want this pregnancy to be over. But nt like this when she's nt ready to be born yet! She's onli 27wks old n weighing at 860g onli!! My gynae is a veri optimistic person. He says tt IF she would be born anytime soon... She's at a weight whr she can survive n all. But of course tts nt wat we want. We wanna keep her in as long as possible. 

So rite nw I'm so paranoid. Every cramp stresses me out cuz it could be a contraction which I'm nt aware abt. I hav to watch myself closely n noe when I might be getting contractions n quickly rush to the hospital. When I sneeze I get so scared she suddenly slides out. I can't walk or do much physical activities. Sighhh worse part thrs nth much I can do to prevent an early birth cuz it's my uterus at fault. Nw we can onli pray we can keep her in at least till 35wks tts my aim but best if she can wait till 37wks cuz tts full term. 

I started googling abt preterm babies n their problems n scared myself like mad. Then I jus kept crying n crying cuz tts nt the life I want her to hav. Like I see more negative effects of a pretermed baby than positive. N I jus feel so helpless. 

I'm thankful my husband is nt worried at all. Whenever I'm stressed or worried over our baby... My husband has always been so optimistic n always so encouraging. He jus keeps telling me "she's a strong baby n she will wait." 

 

My dearest princess... 

Hold up in thr okay n take ur time to come out. Mummy has been suffering while carrying u but all I want is for u to be healthy n strong. We want u inside me long enough for ur organs to be strong so u can fight this world when u come out. So be patient cuz u hav plenty of time on this earth to do watever u want. For nw jus stay as long as u can in my belly. We love u so much. 

Pls keep us in ur prayers. All we want is a healthy strong full term baby. 

27 weeker

It's another wk till we hit our 3rd trimester!!! Feels like forever pls. But nw tt our due date is approaching... I'm started to create lists of things I still hav to buy or do. Feels like time is running away frm me. But I ain't complaining. Many women go through the nesting phase in their pregnancy. Well nt for me. I've got so much to clear be4 baby arrives but I jus don't feel like cleaning? Maybe cuz my back is still painful so moving around bending down n all is such a chore. Idk wonder when the nesting phase will kick in in me. Hmmm 

Gg for our doc appt tmr! N we'll get to see our baby again (: this mth I've seen my gynae twice... Third time tmr. Each time he always brings gd news tt baby is growing well n steady of the norm. But today my husband rubbed my belly n said "y is ur stomach so small n less bloated suddenly?" Yea I too noticed this today. Hope all is fine. We will find out tmr. 

27wk baby bump

I managed to pull myself out of the hse n go for lunch wif my mum n her frens. All who see me always say I look so gd pregnant. Thank goodness. But yea I'm glad today was 1 of the better days whr I could go out.. Walk around for a while n nt scream in pain. But am currently feeling a knotted nerve or something on my back n it hurts like a bitch. Sigh pieeee... 

Also I've been cooking more for my husband since we hav moved back to my place more permanently. Cuz he stays in a 2 storey hse n wif my back aches n weird "spastic leg"... Moving around is so hard. N also at my place I'm more comfy n my maid can help me do a lot of things whereas thr I'm pretty much dependent on my own to get things or my mother-in-law would help me do things n all which makes me so uncomfy. Like it isn't nice n all. So my husband has been great in compromising wif me since commuting frm my place to his work is further. To make it up to him... I service him... aLOT! I cook... make my awesome smoothie n juices when he requests for them... My hands hav even become his own personal feeder -.- anyways am jus so thankful n happy whenever I'm back at my own place. I can do watever I want n all. Cuz I still hav weird habits whereby I wake up in the middle of the nite sometimes n go watch tv or grab a snack when I can't sleep. N at his place I don't dare do tt cuz I hav to climb down the stairs n all. 

Off to bed nw. Realli excited to see baby later! She's been super active the whole day today. N i like to believe whenever she's hungry n wants to eat n I don't "feed" her.. She gets mad at me n kicks me so hard!! Cuz tt was wat happened today -.- 

What to expect when you are expecting part 2 (the happy parts)

So after pouring water on everyone's' expectations of pregnancy... Here are the better side of things for me: 

-knowing u are carrying a life 

This itself is such an amazing truth. The moment u find out u hav something growing in u... It's such a... Hmm no words can describe this amazing feeling. Of course when I 1st out n given the circumstances I was I panicked. But wif the support of Sean n our family things jus fell into place to nicely. I then started prepping myself for the dreams n thots of being pregnant. When will my belly start showing? When can I find out the gender? Is my baby healthy? Wat kind of birth will I hav? Will thr be complications? 

-people knowing u are pregnant 

This one was a rather easy one to get through for our case. All our frens who hav known us frm day 1 when we were dating were all so supportive n encouraging. Everyone was genuinely happy for us. Their well wishes jus made it so clear to us hw much we mean to our frens n tt they were happy to go on this next journey wif us. Sean n I has always talked abt marriage n kids frm the beginning of our r/s so it was no shocker when we broke the news to everyone. N whenever I go out wif frens I'm always well taken care of. Everyone would fuss over me or ask me wat I wanna eat n all. 

-seeing baby's heartbeat for the 1st time 

This was another amazing experience tt money can't buy. For both Sean n I we were jus speechless. To think when we found out we were onli at wk5 when I 1st had a glimpse of our baby's heartbeat. We literally saw our baby grow be4 our eyes (through a monitor). Frm a tiny lil for to an actual tiny human being wif distinct features today. Like it's weird hw I didn't start showing at all till wk22-23 but yet I  knew something was indeed growing inside my belly. 

-the glowing radiant skin 

Many women suffer adverse reactions frm pregnancy due to their hormones. I've read horror stories of breakouts, oily skin, back acne, dry skin, flaky skin etc I was mortified n so worried! Thankfully for me my skin has nv been better!!! I hav nt used make up, facial wash, moisturizer, toner, scrubs or masked for a while! I had veri dry skin be4 my wedding so I had to splurge on things to save my face but somehw frm wk 20 onwards it got better! My skin is smooth like a baby's butt n I used to get veri bad blackheads but nw it seems to hav gotten better too! N everyone compliments my radiant pregnancy glow (: 

-starting our family 

Sean n I are finally starting our next journey together. For 4yrs we hav dreamed of our wedding n wat our future family will be like. Nw it's finally in the works n we are both so thrilled n excited!

-feeling baby's movements for the 1st time 

This came abt wk 22-23 too for me. It's another magical feeling tt no other women can describe to u. Onli a mother would noe this feeling. Esp when u rub ur belly, speak to ur belly, poke ur belly n baby actually responds wif a lil movements... It's jus so cute! It's like when my baby hears our voices, most of the time she would respond to us! It's like she can understand us. N tts a veri gd bonding experience for both parents n baby n help baby get familiar wif our voices. Parents' voices can act as a soother next time when baby gets cranky, upset or happy. 

-the anticipation of our baby's birth 

This I'm DYING for!! U hav no idea hw much I'm dying to hold my baby in my arms... Cry when I see her for the 1st time cuz I've come so far... Hear her cries for the 1st time (n then later wish she would shut up n go sleep! Haha) smell her baby smell... Teach her things our parents taught us... Bring her up wif gd values n principles... Her 1st words, steps ahhh jus so many things!! Yes our lives will be topsy turvy for a while as we break into a routine we are all comfy wif, the sleepless nites n all but I noe it's all worth it. I carried this life for 9mths... I wanna see wat we can accomplish together as a family(: 

-shopping for baby stuffs 

This has been fun for me n my family! As it's our 1st grandchild/niece, my mum n sis has been quite enthusiastic abt shopping for my baby! She already is being pampered like mad!!! She already has a Burberry dress n shoes waiting for her! Haha! N the amt of lil tiny cutesie rompers n accessories... Gosh! N it's nt even full force shopping yet! Imagine when we actually approach May... Her wardrobe will prob be as huge as her mother's!! Plus she also has her cousin's clothes to wear! (I've nt officially announced the gender of our baby yet but subtly dropped hints here n thr. Nw if u read this space u noe 1st hand) 

I actually sat down a while n couldn't come up wif this "happy" list for a long time. After speaking to my husband n mummy.. It finally flowed. I guess I need to complain lesser n try to experience n enjoy these remaining 14wks. 

Today is 1 of my better days I've had in a VERI long time! I had the best massage in my life which made my back ALOT better n I managed to sleep alright. I even plucked up the courage to head out n get some groceries done but immediately dreaded it n wanted to jus come home! I realli HATE people n crowds nw n my back n cramps started creeping in. So yea I'm convinced i need to be home for the next few mths. Or I Thot abt renting a wheelchair! Hahaha whenever I realli NEED to go out I will resort to tt. My husband thinks I'm mad. 

What to expect when you're expecting

So one of my fav movies has got to be 'what to expect when you're expecting" when I 1st watched it yrs ago. It's abt 5 diff pregnancies and an adoption story. 1 pregnancy led to an unfortunate miscarriage, another pregnancy was all the horrible sides of being pregnant (being bloated, puffy, constipated n all), another a working n fit mummy to be tt is able to look fab n stay fit n the last pregnancy was everything magical n beautiful. 

So here's the thing. When I 1st found out I was pregnant I was hoping n praying for the fit, fab looking n magical pregnancy. The one u glow n look so radiant n u can literally still be active working out n all. Unfortunately, I didn't get tt. Well I got the radiant n glowy look which everyone comments whenever they see me even when I'm at my cui-est. I havnt ballooned as much as I Thot I would, I'm nt puffy n my appetite is fairly decent. Well maybe cuz I've been sick quite a bit so far. But other than tt... I'm suffering every whr else possible!!! 

-nausea/morning sickness (this I had it bad during the 1st tri. The onli positive spin on this is tt I lost 2kgs. I didn't eat much n I hugged the toilet. It took me a while be4 I succumbed to medication to control this. Nw I'm so thankful it's gone. Well it does come back n haunt me on certain days but it's all manageable. I was so afraid I would be like my mummy. She puked frm day 1 to day 40!!) 

-severe back pains (I realli cannot walk much n I walk like a duck. I've succumbed to muscle rubs which my gynae says it's ok n wearing a back brace which realli doesn't help much. Sleeping is a chore cuz thrs NO comfy position on this planet to deal wif ur back pain. Getting out of bed is such a hassle esp when I pee every 1.5-2hrs. I scream n squirm whenever I hav to flip sides when I sleep. I can't sleep or sit for long cuz my back would hurt so badly but I'm asked to hav ample rest n all. My bed has a mountain of pillows my dogs can play hide n seek in them.) 

-frequent UTIs (don't get me started on those cuz it hurts like a mother bitch. I've always been prone to UTIs since young but nw it's even worse! My bladder actually hurts n somehw it caused my already bad enough back pains to be worse. I hav to pee more frequently to min. My infection which makes sleeping a chore. Cranberry juice n barley water is mostly wat I'm forced to drink these days) 

-growing cramps (these hurt like a mother bitch too esp when my baby wiggles around in my belly. N these can also be worrying when they get too intense so I get stressed out when I get hit by those bad ones. Becuz I'm so small built n it's my 1st pregnancy, my body is still learning to accommodate my baby's growth n over stretching things tt hav nv been stretched be4 so tts a bitch too. Becuz of my cramps I realli can't move around much or work out as much as I realli want to!) 

-low placenta (so my gynae told me I hav a low placenta. Which means no heavy lifting, less movements around, no physical activities. I'm even more paranoid whenever I pee nw esp since a few nites ago. I always make sure to look at the toilet paper twice to check tt thrs no blood.) 

-emotional stresses (Becuz I've been sick n moody n cranky cuz of my ailments, I realli havnt been in the best moods ever. I'm often crying, blaming the whole world  or hating every bit of my pregnancy. Funni hw I'm nt stressing over motherhood since I am such a young mummy but in fact I'm actually soooooo looking forward to it n dyinggggg for this pregnancy to be over soon! My husband is well aware hw much I'm suffering emotionally n physically. At the beginning be4 things got this bad he would joke "so doubt we will hav a 2nd child aye!" Nw frm whr I see it nw... As much as I want a sibling for my child, I'm nt keen on thinking abt tt nw. It was always my plan to hav 2 kids: a boy n a girl. But after this horrific n unmagical experience, I'm surrendering. My mummy thinks it's Becuz my insides are so young n tender tts y it's so hard this time around. But I'm jus nt convinced yet. Thankfully my husband n I are so young so I hav many yrs to reconsider again) 

-home bound (oh I hav decided to put myself on hse arrest till my kid is 4mths. The fear of gg out n getting back pains after walking for a bit scares me. Cuz when tt happens I can't scream n cry. N wat if I walk too much n I start to bleed? N dressing up has been no fun at all. I hav zero interest in doing my hair, make up or wearing nice clothes for nw. I realli salute those YouTube mummys to be who still bother to make the effort even when they are a bloated whale. Cuz I couldn't care less seriously. I jus wanna stay home n be in pjs wif the messiest n unkempt hair ever) 

-spastic legs (I recently discovered I hav wat I call "spastic legs". Thr are certain times whr I jus can't move my legs n all n will scream in excruciating pain!! Then it makes it impossible to lift them too. So I would jus sit thr paralyzed or get my husband to help me up) 

Jus to add to this, I've got zero personal hygiene. If I could I would go wifout showering, brushing my hair or teeth frm nw till I pop!! Wearing my underwear n bottoms are so difficult nw (due to my growing belly n "spastic legs", showering takes twice as long nw n I get gum bleeds when I brush my teeth. So give me credit tt I still manage to these 3 things still. My mummy took me to a mani n pedi sessh tt day n tt ended horribly. So I realise I hav zero patience n tolerance to confine myself to a chair jus to pamper myself. So screw those for nw. Oh n mositurising? Wtf is tt!? I no longer go through my crazy 5 step facial regime anymore or 2 step hair treatment processes either. But thankfully for my hormones my skin has nv been better even when products!! So yay to tt(: 

Plus I hav zero social skills too. Whenever I'm out I jus wanna kill everyone I see!! I used to be a social butterfly, a party animal. Nw I'm such grumps. N majority of humans annoy the hell out of me. 

Hmm I think tts abt it. Which honestly I'm considered lucky to some women. But but wat I DETEST are my back pains n cramps. Whenever those happen I jus want my husband to sock me in the face so hard so I can pass out. Oh wells... Reality bites. Of course thr are glorious parts to this amazing life I'm carrying. I shall get to tt when I'm in a chirpier mood... Which I hope is soon. 

To the 2 amazing women in my life

As I lay awake in bed at 3.11am waiting for my macs to digest a lil n my husband snoring next to me... I suddenly remembered abt the strength n courage of 2 amazing women in my life: my mother n mother-in-law. 

Sean n I are considered miracle children. Cuz for 1 we could hav nt made it into this world. For Sean, it was dangerous for my mother-in-law to carry him cuz she had him pretty late n thr were some complications. But she found God to give her the strength n blessings to watch over Sean n her n both mother n son were fine. 

For me doctors didn't noe much abt my case. I was an experimental child of surgeries. My parents didn't even noe if I was gg to be a boy or girl. It wasn't dangerous for my mother to carry me but Becuz I'm special wif my condition.. Bringing me up won't be easy neither would it be cheap. My parents nv gave up on me or scrimped on my medical bills. They gave me the best treatments n made sure I stayed in private wards whenever I got admitted. 

This yr, Sean is turning 27 yrs old. N I 22 yrs old. Our baby is a miracle baby too. Cuz of my medical condition doctors weren't sure if I could even conceive! So the fact tt I hav this child growing in me is truly a gift n blessing frm God. 

I've been feeling so horrible n moody these days. N I don't want my mood to affect my baby. I need to remember tt these 2 women despite odds going against them, took the risk n many sacrifices to bring Sean n I into this world. Cuz if they weren't strong, we both wouldn't be here today. We wouldn't hav found each other.. We wouldn't hav married our soul mates or created our own lil family together. 

Someday my baby is gg to make another man fall in love so madly wif her. She's gg to be someone's girlfren, soulmate, wife and mother. She's gg to make someone very happy n noe the true meaning of being loved. She's gg to teach her own children wat we taught her. 

I need to stop feeling sorry for myself n embrace this nt so nice process. Cuz if my 2 mothers can do it... I can too. 

A mother's love is truly the greatest and most powerful feeling in this world. 

24 wks n 3 days thoughts

So I was feeling all crappy n sorry for myself all day. Cause being pregnant is suppose to be all magical wif unicorns n butterflies. Like tts hw most movies or people portray it to be rite? I mean I nv gave my pregnancy a thought at all because I didn't think I would be pregnant so early so yea I didn't hav time to think abt wat it would be like pregnant. It jus happened too quickly. 

U see movies n all tt crap don't tell u the back pains u will experience. N growing pains u will get as u bloat up like a pufferfish. Some women get swollen feet which I'm thankful I'm nt at tt stage yet. Some break out on their face cuz of hormones n I'm thankful I don't hav tt. Instead many hav told me hw radiant n gd I look nw even wifout make up (hence I've been abusing this radiant natural glow n gg out bare face ALOT nw. Last time I die die won't go out wifout make up). 

I jus wish it was all easier than this. But if it was than everyone would be popping babies out like candies. I jus wish I had a much more beautiful experience than this. I wish I could tell my baby hw amazing it was carrying her in my belly. But this isn't the case. 

Right nw I jus want her to grow healthily and well for the remaining 16 wks she has in me so tt when I finally hold her in my arms... All this was all worth it. I know when I hold her in my arms for the veri first time it would feel so satisfying tt these 10mths hav came n gone.. Though suffering it was all worth it. 

I jus watched 'itsjudytime's' birth of her twins on YouTube n I jus can't wait to hold my baby. My husband actually watched it wif me n said he may jus puke if he has to cut the cord of baby. I laughed. He knew I had a crappy day today n he jus kept encouraging me n being by my side as I cried n whined. Every waking moment I thank The Lord for guiding me towards finding him. Cuz realli Sean is the most patient person. He always noes wat to say to make everything feel better. N the 3 times I've gotten hospitalized he always stayed over wif me at the ward cuz I'm scared to sleep alone esp in hospitals. I jus know he's gg to be an amAzing father. Another reason y I can't wait for this baby to be born cuz it's another side of Sean I will see n fall in love wif all over again. 

15 weeks n 4 days left till we see ur lil face. 

24 weeks n 2 days thoughts

Totally not feeling it today. In the worse mood ever n it's even worse when I can't even sleep it off. Normally when I'm in a foul mood I would jus lock myself up in my room n sleep the day n away n feel so much better when I wake up. Nw Becuz I'm freakin like Humpty Dumpty wif back aches n growing abdominal cramps... I can't get into a comfy position to sleep. I had to cry n tire myself out n I fell asleep. 

Feeling super miserable today. For some reason I jus keep crying n feeling so frustrated when I think abt hw hard this pregnancy has been. Like it's another 16 horrible weeks of this. I'm trying so hard to stay positive cuz "happy mummy = happy baby" n watever u feel gets somehow passed to baby. I don't want my child to feel unwanted cuz she's not!! I love her so much but it's jus so difficult!! I realli wanna enjoy this whole process but I realli am not. The onli enjoyable thing abt it is tt I get to meet my precious lil one at the end of all this torture. I jus pray for strength n perserverance for the remaining long n hard 16 weeks. 

(Edited)

I wake up to this every wkend(: this is pure blissful family love. 

I made pancakes a few days ago n my husband loved it so much he asked for it today. So it was another fluffy day! 

Still feeling so out of it. I realli need a dam bloody awesome sleep. Cause I realli havnt slept well in a dam long time!! Sighhh n then when baby comes my sleep will also be gone. Horrible 

Nw I've come down wif a wheezing kinda cough which also keeps me up. Realli when can I ever rest!!!? 

24 weeks

So we hav come to the 6th mth mark. Still feeling like it's forever.... 

Woke up fine n chirpy cuz the husband didn't hav work today! We booked our veri 1st movie at the Platinum Suites n was realli excited! So we had Jap lunch cuz baby in my tummy was craving it n made our way to our movie.

Nt onli was baby craving for jap but Sprite too. Hmmm k I hardly drink fizzy drinks so this was an odd one. I freakin had 2 glasses of sprite today!! So we made our way to the theatre n boy were we spoilt! The chair was so comfy n it came equipped wif a thick ass blanket n fluffy pillows!! So while I was trying to get comfy... Cramps kicked in. Sigh pie my life nw. N then the backache started. Oh yea we caught 300: rise of the empire btw. But yea so I honestly had a semi horrible time. 

My husband was seriously so excited n happy to watch 300 in such a comfy ass chair. Trust me this won't be the last time we indulge at the Platinum suites!! 

Jus look at hw huge n cushy the chairs are!! 

We took a walk around town n the cramps jus kept creeping up on me. But oh wells.... I still had a fun date day wif my husband (; 

Nw I'm finally back home n nestled in bed cuz nausea finally kicked in n I'm jus nt feeling fine n dandy today. Sighh hope this goes away soon cuz my mother-in-law cooked my fav roast beef n I'm dying to drink birds nest sitting in the fridge too. 

Summary of 1st trimester

1st trimester symptoms: 

Nausea: 

-totally had no appetite, lost 2kgs 

-puked whenever I ate 

-tried ALOT of natural nausea remedies which didn't work (ginger tea which made me worse, sour plum etc) 

-gave in n had to take nausea meds everyday (which was safe for baby) 

Gas: 

-felt bloated 

-burped ALOT 

Boobs: 

-felt so heavy like I'm freakin wearing sandbags on my chest 

-painful when I ran or walked fast 

-travelled to London which was super cold at tt point and thr were times whr my boobs were so painful!! Like it felt like frost bites? I wore 4 layers n nth worked (gynae said it was cuz my boobs were sensitive due to the sudden growth n all)

Fatigue: 

-constantly tired 

-napped ALOT

Cravings: 

-craved for sour things constantly (think it was due to the nausea but it didn't realli work)  

I travelled during the 1st trimester and somehow my symptoms got more manageable when I was away. I walked a lot while I was in London n Dubai but everything felt fine. As soon as I got back home all the symptoms I Thot was gone came back to haunt me again -.- FML I started puking n lost my appetite again. 

So tts abt wat I can rmb but realli my nausea was the worse n I wanted to jus give up. Thr were days it was so horrible I would jus cry n all. 

On the plus side of the horrible nausea a lot of people told me I lost weight n looked gd (yea cuz I literally puked my guts out everyday). 

Ultrasound at wk 6 when we 1st found out abt our lil miracle (: try spotting the tiny lil bean 

Wk 7 bump. My ab line was still visible! 

Wk11 whr we tested for downs. They take ur age n the development structure of baby as a gauge to see the likelihood of Downs. Thankfully I'm young so my chances are close to 0. 

Wk 12 baby bump. Still non existent. 

So tts abt it I guess. I was so thankful to reach my 2nd trimester cuz tt jus meant I onli hav another 2 trimesters to go till I meet my lil one (: 

Shall blog abt my 2nd trimester symptoms in the next post!