Life of a student mummy

2 weeks ago I took the plunge and enrolled myself into a Masters program. Since what I really wanna work as requires a Masters degree, I decided to go for it. I was suppose to enroll into the July intake but they managed to put me in for the march intake. So I started school on Monday night.

My brain felt rusty... Everything was overwhelming and I immediate felt stress. Masters is a whole other level. And this time I can't afford to play anymore. This is what I want to pursue career wise so I gotta do well. But thing is I hate this subject I'm taking. There is a reason why I decided to graduate with an Arts degree when I could have gotten a full fledge Psychology degree all because I HATE research. Its a chore and very tedious process.

So anyways since I'm trying to be a serious student... I came home after my lecture and prepped myself for Tuesday's lecture. But with lil miss itchy fingers climbing here and there.. Getting her tiny fingers on my laptop it was impossible for me to concentrate -,- see this is the beginning of my life as a student mummy.

And then I wondered how those ftwms who study do it? The work load of a Masters student is already daughting enough. Add on a 9-5 job and being a mum 24/7 and wife... How does anyone do it? I don't know and I'm lucky I don't have to know for now.

Today I'm feeling lazy and I just wanna laze in bed all day till I have class at night. I have worked out my "study" schedule for the next few days so today shall just be a me day. Excuses since I already have such a chill life.

But honestly I feel more tired these days. Getting G to bed takes a painstaking 2hours and by the time we sleep its 2am. And then she wakes up about 5-6am for milk and sometimes if I'm lucky she sleeps immediately. But this morning she decided to play till 7.30am -.- FML seriously. And then she woke up at 11.30am when I wished she slept till 1. My broken sleep is exhausting me!!!

So yea I'm so thankful I don't have a full time job now. I'm sure I will really go mad by then. Praying that as she gets older she will go back to sleeping through again. Sighhh

Oh yes and she had a hair cut by mama a few days back. Tell me she looks like a China doll or Chinese version of Boo from Monsters Inc? Hahahaha

This vs that

Yesterday I had my first meltdown as a mother. I knew this day would come eventually but I just didn't think I would react like how I did yesterday. Won't go into details on what happened but it inspired me to blog about this topic.... 

Whose kid is better? 

Being in an asian country... Being asian parents.. I think we have all experienced our parents or family members comparing us to so and so's child and that so n so's child being compared to you. Be it in regards to academic, physical appearance, weight, social skills, manners, upbringing etc the list goes on. No doubt my mother was like that too but not so over the top like some mummies who go "Aiyo why you so stupid not like so and so's daughter!!? I send you to classes with her and yet she does better than you!" 

My mum was subtle and less "hurtful" with her comparisons. But it got to a point where I exploded on her a few times when she would compare me with my friends. Cause honestly my feelings were hurt. And as a child you only want your own parents to be proud of you and not think another child is better. I think after I voiced out how hurt I was she realised and stop making comparisons. 

So tables have turned and now I'm a mother. Yes I do subtly compare baby G with other babies (but only to my husband and mother okay!) but that's because when baby G achieves a certain milestone for example I am super proud of her cause she is a premature baby. So when she hits a milestone that is earlier than what is stated of course I will bask in the glory that my daughter is smart! Come on which parent wouldn't! So guilty as charged on my part. And when baby G "performs" better than another baby I will be super proud and an immature little voice inside me will go "my child is better than yours." 

So yes I am guilty of comparing baby G with other babies. But I don't openly say it or put it out there! So I had to deal with people comparing baby G to another baby. And even though I know they don't mean it and it wasn't a direct hit at her.. I really felt super helpless that I couldn't defend my child. I felt super fail as a mother and really hurt. Like I wished I could have defended my child but that would just imply I'm super sensitive, overly protective and a crazy mother. 

But you gotta understand that Baby G had such a hard first 2 months of her life. So obviously I wanna give her the best care and attention. And as much as I don't expect it from other people but at least be a bit more sensitive and aware  of her and me. I never thought when you hear someone else say something indirectly about your child could hurt so much. I think if anyone would say anything directly to her I would have probably snapped and go hysterical. 

So I was balling my eyes out and had a good talk with my husband. I know I probably over reacted a little but at that moment I felt soooooo hurt. Like honestly I had my fair share of haters way back in my younger years and I had to deal with nasty keyboard warriors. But it's social media that made me have a thick skin for myself. I guess I need to grow another set of thick skin for my daughter. So I won't have another meltdown again. 

It's one thing to say something nasty to me but when someone says something about my own flesh and blood the pain you feel hits another level. 

So how do you parents deal with such encounters? I know it's going to happen to Baby G again and I would have to deal with it again. I just hope the next time around I wouldn't have such a bad meltdown. 

Yeps basically that's me having a meltdown. Mini me... 

See no touch.

Question of the day: would you allow a stranger to touch your child without your permission? (Inspired by http://timothythiah.com) 

I'm sure many of us parents have read the blog post he wrote about strangers touching your baby without permission (if you havnt go read it). Then I came across Hot FM 91.3's Facebook page and they too posted this question saying that if someone touched my child I should take it as a compliment as I made a cute child. I found this statement super offensive and very thoughtless to us parents (a statement obviously made by someone who doesn't have a child). 

Firstly let's get this right... What sparked him to write about this topic is because a stranger carried his child WITHOUT permission. I think it's just rude to touch a stranger's property (eg: if you see a stranger carrying a nice bag and you wanna take a look at it you don't simply touch the bag without their permission right?) and this is a baby we are talking about here. Shouldn't the parents have the basic respect from an absolute stranger to at least ask before they touch their child!? Even our personal friends will ask us permission before they carry baby G. Friends... So strangers are expected to do the same thing too. 

Secondly, people who comment saying that they as parents are being overprotective, paranoid and might as well leave the child at home if you don't want others to touch are just insensitive people who do not have children of their own. Children fall ill really easily from the slightest exposure of germs. We don't even know what the stranger touched before they touch your child. And as a parent of a premature baby (just like fighter's parents) of course I will get a bit edgy if some unknown hands reach out to wanna touch my child. Premature babies have gone through a lot during the beginning days of their life and no they don't need to be exposed to your filthy germs thank you very much. 

Thirdly, saying that if a stranger wants to touch your child you should take it as a compliment cause that means you made a cute baby... Well there are a lot of ways to compliment your child wad. Why must it be in a form of a physical touch? Then you wait till you have your own child and see if you will still think this way. 

Forthly, I have read a case where a complete stranger, without asking the permission of the parents, actually had the nerve to physically carry the child away from it's parents and brought the child back to their own table!! Like excuse me wouldn't you as a parent be super traumatised and upset?! There are so many cases of children being abducted these days. Yes call us paranoid or whatever but we have the right to be! 

What I cannot stand are these people who call us parents paranoid and crazy are people who don't even have children of their own. Obviously when it's not your child it's easy to say such things. But when you have your own child.. Trust me it will be a different case. 

Thankfully for us we have never encountered any strangers wanting to touch baby G. I guess cause she is always locked in her pram so people have not attempted to yet. But I did have this discussion with my husband and trust me he will go ape shit at that stranger who attempts to touch/carry her without asking. I'm sure if you ask nicely we may consider. That is why we always hang an antibacterial gel on her pram. Even as her parents we always make sure our hands are clean before we handle her. So obviously we expect strangers to respect this too. 

To summarize... It's just basic manners to ask before you touch someone's property or child. And then it's up to the parents themselves to decide if they want to let you touch their child. And please remember they aren't obliged to say yes just because you were polite to ask cause it is still their child at the end of the day. 

Inconsiderate parking babarians

Today I was at sembawang shopping centre. They just allocated 2 parking lots for the family lots. There was 1 vacant and my eyes immediately lighted up cause I've been trying to park at the family lot eversince taking baby G out but it's always taken or the mall doesn't have family lots. So today I was like "wah score!!" My mum was reversing in till she noticed the car who was parked at the other family lot walking towards their car. At that point I was feeding baby G to notice or pay any attention to. My mum then said "those people don't have a baby and they parked at the family lot." It didn't click in my head how inconsiderate these stupid idiots were till like 2mins later. 

So question of the day is... What will you do when you encounter such inconsiderate babarians?

Well for me if I had noticed it earlier I would have definitely gotten out of the car and told that inconsiderate person off. Cause seriously I cannot stand it when people take advantage of things that are set up to convenience the needs of people who actually need it!! 

Okay if the other family lot was not available and I had to wait for a parking lot and I saw that inconsiderate babarian yes I would die die get out of the car and scream at them even more. 

(Diverting a little now I realise how "gangho" I am now as a mother. I will tell people off when I see something wrong) 

Given the fact that there was another family lot at that time I could just let it slide. But it still bugs me how inconsiderate some people can be over such a minute thing. I mean come on how hard is it to wait for another lot? Will you die while waiting? 

After having a baby I realise how small Singapore parking lots are at most malls. So now whenever we have baby G with us we have to find lots which have a bigger space on the left side cause there's where she sits. And also given that Singaporeans are horrible drivers... They cannot park straight so sometimes space is limited when I have to take Baby G out. When that happens I will just bang my car door against theirs. I don't care cause it's not my fault wad! 

So to all parents... If you see people taking advantage on what are entitled to us.. Please please speak up and tell them off!! 

And to those who clearly do not have a baby.. Please be more considerate and think about others! You wait till you have your own child then you are entitled to such privileges! 

The battle of the b(r)e(a)st milk

I've noticed many times on breastfeeding Facebook pages the influx of pro breastfeeders condemning mothers who supplement a few feeds with formula. Honestly I think it's time someone stood up for mothers who give formula or just even supplement a few feeds!! 

Look we all know breastmilk is the best for our babies. However some mothers aren't blessed with a good supply for various reasons. So when a comment pops up saying "I give fm for a few feeds" I can just feel the judgemental tones of all these other mothers who then comment "why do you need to give FM?? Just keep latching baby cause your body will automatically make enough milk to support baby's needs" Like excuse me we live in the 21st century where technology and science is so advanced and formula milk is just as good as breastmilk. Every mother makes the decision to give their child whatever they feel fits so what I can't stand is the judgy tone and the way they phrase their comments as if these mothers who choose formula are poisoning their child!!! Like it's ridiculous! At the end of the day, we are still providing some form of milk to our babies and as long as they grow healthily isn't that enough?!

Honestly latching/pumping isn't the life for every mother. It's time consuming and robs away precious time which some mothers just don't have to spare. So obviously they will choose formula where it's jus a few scoops of powder and water and bam milk is done! The thing with exclusive pumping mothers like myself I have to anticipate and judge when she will wake up to drink and warm her milk up so when she wakes up it's ready for her. Many a times when I oversleep I wake up to a screaming baby and I have to let her scream for another additional 5mins while waiting for the milk to heat up. Whereas compared to formula it's ready in less than a minute. 

Then there are those mothers who die die won't give formula. 

Eg: 

"I've got very low supply. Tried fenugreek, oats and power pump but nothing works! How ah?" 

How!? My answer to you is give formula!! Some mothers really suffer from chronic low supply and whatever they do doesn't work. So instead of letting your child get hungry more times a day cause you aren't providing enough just give formula!! Why is it so hard to give formula?! What I see is that the cost isn't the top reason why mothers don't wanna give formula it's more of the "face value". Like breastfeeding mothers are more superior than formula mothers -,- I have witnessed dagger eyes or like you know THAT kind of judgy eyes from the breast feeding mothers whenever a formula mother says "I give formula."  oh please at the end of the day we are all mothers and providing the best for our child. 

And who says breastfed babies are healthier than the formula babies?! Every child's immunity is different and it has nothing to do with breast milk or formula milk. What I don't get is why stress over low supply when the simple solution of formula is just right there!!? 

I havnt been able to breastfeed baby G for the past few days and coming next 2 days cause I'm on antibiotics. I'm giving her my frozen stash which by the way smells rancid and yucky!! I feel so sorry giving her that horrible smelling crap (and really is frozen milk still as nutritious as compared to formula?) so I have also added in a scoop of similac neosure (which is formula milk specially for premature babies which helps boosts their DHA, eyes and brain development). You tell me how "bad" formula milk is when science is so advanced that they are putting a bunch of really good nutrients in formulas today. 

I've breast fed baby G for 4mths and counting now. Even now when I can't give her my milk I'm still pumping to keep up with my supply. Honestly my main reason why I'm still breast feeding it's because I can maintain my weight and eat as much as I want! Hahaha! I've had the thought to stop breastfeeding her sooner than my 1 year mark. Cause I feel I need some sense of normality back in my life (like a constant 10hour sleep/not having to lug my pump out when I'm out and stopping my shopping when I'm out). But I too wanna save $ since breast milk is free and I have the supply so why not right? But if there is a day where my supply jus dries up, I won't be like those frantic stressed out mothers who die die wanna give breast milk. I will just simply give similac formula. Either breast milk or formula, we are still feeding our children. 

That's baby G's cousin Owen who is a formula baby and he's just as plumpy (even plumpier) than some breastfed babies!

Shall do another update of baby G and flood it with pictures in my next post! 

Advice columns: helpful or more of a harm?

I've joined many parenting pages on fb since the birth of baby G. I think every parent who join such pages want to learn frm other mummies experiences n also post questions if they may hav doubts n see wat other mummies hav to say. But wat makes me cringe is when I read mummies posting questions n mummies who reply them think tt watever they say is rite. 

Case in point: 

When a doctor or pd says one thing... Mummies would often say "don't listen to them as not all of them are rite." (ESP those doctors who aren't pro breast feeding) 

Yes I agree tt some doctors may nt be well learnt in the area of breastfeeding in terms of wat medications are safe or nt but surely they are more educated than us mummies? 

N the way some mummies reply irks me too. Like as if they are dam knowledgable n their advice is like 100% correct u die die should listen to them. 

I came across one question posted by a mummy jus today. Basically in a nutshell her baby is also a preemie n was prescribed iron supplements (like baby G) during the stay at the hospital n upon discharged. She stopped giving the iron supps cuz baby was constipated n fussy. She asked if she should give or is breastmilk enough. 

N I commented saying u should continue cuz preemies needs are veri different frm full term babies. Preemies lack certain nutrition n hence are prescribed certain supps for a reason. K y preemies are prescribed iron supps (at least for the case of baby G) is tt she had apnea episodes (she would stop breathing in her sleep) while she was in nicu cuz of low red blood cells. She had 2 blood transfusions which thankfully helped n iron supps are to make sure her red blood cell count stays at the optimal level whr she won't fall into apnea. Nw she is older n won't fall into apnea as she is stronger n able to produce the appropriate amt of red blood cells but I still give her the extra iron everyday cuz it was prescribed to her n I see no harm in giving her tt. She isn't constipated so I hav jus stuck to it. She's even on vitamins too. 

Thr will be mummies who say "BM is the most nutrious of all! So y worry if ur baby is doing well? Y bother giving such supplements? If u worry u eat more vitamins/iron supps then it will go to ur BM." (N these are mummies who babies are full term wif no knowledge abt the needs n differences of preemies n full term babies). Mind u whatever supplements we breast feeding mummies take onli a small % gets passed through to our milk for our babies. Wat makes u so sure tt tt tiny amt is sufficient for a preemie/any full term baby? 

Wat I'm trying to say is tt every baby n mummy is different. Every baby has different needs. Sometimes these advices may work or may nt. So always take it wif a pinch of salt. Every mummy who post their advices to questions are speaking based on their own experiences wif their baby. But tt doesn't mean they are 100% correct. 

Plus I like to stress tt preemie n full term babies hav different needs!!! Even their bodies develop differently too. 

(Ps hope u mummies do nt take this post the wrong way. But advice giving/advice receiving realli must be Thot through correctly cuz wat u say/listen to can either be helpful or harmful)